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Question
Posted by: Just me | 2011/01/07

''recluse'' and husband kisses young girls

I found out about my daughter''s drug abuse about 7 months ago. She''s caused lots of problems in my life, eg physical abuse etc. I have become part time mother to her kids and all these negative things are what my family sees and since my discovery I feel that I am ashamed to visit my family.

My husband, again, is a pervert who loves to hug and kiss the young girls. He tries not to make it obvious and I''ve always been embarrassed for HIM and therefore wouldn''t tell him how I feel. My daughter phoned me the other day and told me that my husband was at her house where she is staying with a friend and poured his heart out to them about me. (We had a huge argument that morning). He cried crocodile tears and badmouthed me in front of this girl, and seriously, he was looking for sympathy as she tried to walk away and give them privacy. He told her, no, she must sit down. When he left their house, he hugged this girl (my daughter was tending to the baby inside) and tried to kiss her on her lips. She turned away giving her cheek. He kissed her on her cheek and then aimed for her lips again.

My whole family already knows about the few occasions that it has happened in OUR family and I am so embarrassed. Don''t know how to face them anymore because of these 2 issues. It really IS embarrassing.

Lastly, this thing with my husband, it sickens me. He has had an affair about 10 years ago which devastated me. A few years ago I found out about a long distance ''relationship'' in which he spoke to this lesbian about her being his soulmate and how he loves her for being there for him and understanding him. And then all this attention he seeks from young girls. Doc what am I to do. Please give me advice. I feel sick about him and the fact that I feel ashamed to visit my family. Thank you in advance.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like your daighter has some reasons for feeling shame, as she could have dealt with these various problems better, and is primarily responsible for her own behaviour. While you can try to be helpful and support her efforts to behave better, you can't be responsible for her choices and hehaviour.
Similarly, your husband's ehaviopur towards young girls is either deeply unwise ( at the best ) or potentially criminal, but it is HIS behaviour, and not yours. You should tell him that when he does that, it upsets you and that it seems creepy to you and others.
It's hard enouh for us to take responsibility ( as we should ) for our OWN choices and behaviours, without taking responsibility for those of others - it is no good for you, and helps them to evade responsibility for themselves. It sounds as though he is excessively sorry for himself and too reluctant to take responsibility for his own decisions, and also excessively attention-seeking, and should be seeing a counsellor.
Never forget what he does is HIS fault, and not yours

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/08

Sounds like your daighter has some reasons for feeling shame, as she could have dealt with these various problems better, and is primarily responsible for her own behaviour. While you can try to be helpful and support her efforts to behave better, you can't be responsible for her choices and hehaviour.
Similarly, your husband's ehaviopur towards young girls is either deeply unwise ( at the best ) or potentially criminal, but it is HIS behaviour, and not yours. You should tell him that when he does that, it upsets you and that it seems creepy to you and others.
It's hard enouh for us to take responsibility ( as we should ) for our OWN choices and behaviours, without taking responsibility for those of others - it is no good for you, and helps them to evade responsibility for themselves. It sounds as though he is excessively sorry for himself and too reluctant to take responsibility for his own decisions, and also excessively attention-seeking, and should be seeing a counsellor.
Never forget what he does is HIS fault, and not yours

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