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Question
Posted by: worried | 2008/06/10

rebellious children

My Friend has 3 boys, 6, 12,15. Her husband is in prison. She has decided to make a life for herself and move on. Her husband came out of prison after 3 years whereby she was prepared to make a go of her marriage. After that 6 months down the line he violated his parole adn is back in prison. Throughout the years her children have been spoilt and did not get the discipline they needed the excuse being that she felt sorry for them because of everything that has happened. She has always been there for them and provided to the best of her ability for them and let me tell you she is doing a great job. Now that she has decided to move on, on the occassion she goes out with friends and myself maybe once or twice a month. Her children in this time have become very rebellious. They swear at her using language I didnt even think they new. Scream and shout and threaten her and them selves with suicide and running away. This situation has become totally out of control. They want to know her every move. If she is drivin g the car they want to know why is driving so slow or so fast. Why is is wearing the clothes she is. Why she talks on her cell phone.Which to me and her is not normal behaviour. They have threatened to smash her car if she wants to meet friends. these are just a few examples. She has come to me for help and my mom. We have tried to talk to the children, they do not listen. My brother in law has also tried still they do not listen. They shout at my mom and they have even sworn and shouted at me. She unfortunately is not on medical aid otherwise she would try to take the kids to a phycologist, but they have threatened they will not talk to anybody in any case. I feel that this situation is very out of control I worry for their mother cause I feel that soon they will probably be beating her up. SHe is a small petite woman and is very passive. What can she do and what can we do to help.

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Our expert says:
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SOunds as though she has several times "decided to moveon" without actually moving on.
Having spoiled the children and failed to teach them proper discpline, even with the ebst of motives, she will inevitably have problems trying to enforce reasonable discipline now. I wonder whether child welfare might be able to provide a social worker to advise mom specifically on how to establish discipline and order in her family ? Sounds like these kids urgently eed to learn that they are NOT in control of the household, their mom or the family, with a proper code of conduct, rewards for good behaviour and punishment in the form of withdrawal of provileges for breaking the rules.

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