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Posted by: Dont care anymore | 2011/03/18

REASON WHY I DONT WANT SEX ANYMORE

I read so much about people whose partners dont want sex. well, have you ever thought about their feelings? Im in a situation where my boyfriend has just stopped brushing his teeth so I dont want to kiss him or even actually be near him. I''m angry. He even lies to me and says he did brush his teeth when I ask, but I check his toothbrush and it remains dry. Its been day 3 now that I know for sue he hasnt touched his toothbrush! Also, 2 minutes of foreplay is not enough and then he wants to have sex and it hurts! I''m done talking and done having sex with him. I wish he would leave me so that we can both just get on with our lives

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Thank you for sharing this with us and YES, you are right - it is a major turn off!!! Some people feel like that about cigarette smoke, garlick breath, smell of alcohol or a foul / swaety odour!
I however read between the lines that this is not the only thing that makes you angry /sad / unhappy? It is also important to know that there may be something else wrong with him and that is why he stopped brushing teeth or sudden onset of poor hygiene (I assume then that this is a recent thing). A few psychological /mental conditions can cause it and then there is also organic/physical problems that can cause behaviour like this. It is thus important that both of you get hekp. If there is nothing wrong with him then, then you can work on the option of going your own way. Consult your doctor or social worker / psychologist or phone the SASHA helpline (0860 100 262). Deidre - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mieke | 2011/03/27

I agree with Karen, your husband may be depressed.

And leaving him is not the best choice... How long have you been together? Leaving the father of your child may bring along ALOT of other problems... For instance read a bit on the " step parenting"  forum. It is SO SO SO difficult to love another person''s child... Even if the child is beautiful and well mannered. It just is!

I use to have a problem loving my husband... I always blamed it on his laisyness and I can''t even remember what else! The point is.. He was depressed and I had the wrong vision of how to treat my husband I was also not contributing by not getting to the bottom of my own mishaps and supporting him.

Luckily I realized that if I want a happy family I need to start with ME... The Result my husband is an amazing man... I Love him dearly... I dont even notice the clothes anymore...

Maybe you could arouse your husband with true love in your eyes... and then make a nice suggestion of " hubby lets go clean up and make each other the happiest husband and wife" 

Then Finally just dont do the things your not suppose to... like taking out the pram... But don''t ASSUME he knows he HAS to do it... If you want your husband to do it.. then as him nicely... If he still refuse... just leave it in the car.

Good luck I really hope you can resolve this

Reply to Mieke
Posted by: Karen | 2011/03/25

Why don''t you try a little ''revenge''? It worked for me!
If his toothbrush is next to the basin in the bathroom, why don''t you throw it away? He will soon take notice that it''s not there. If he ask you can tell him that you donate it to charity since there are people that actually need stuff he don''t use anymore. Sometimes men are like children. Do what they least expect and see how they react. Good luck...but I have to say - it sounds like he''s doing this to seek attention. Maybe he feels left out when you spend all the time you have with the baby in stead of him...

Reply to Karen
Posted by: Lindz | 2011/03/22

I don''t have any advise but i wish &  hope that you leave him and meet someone loving, caring &  knows how to take care of himself (hygienic).

you sound like a very good person.

Good luck!!!!

Reply to Lindz
Posted by: Dont care anymore | 2011/03/22

Homer - no he is not supplying the cash. We are 50/50 in everything. When I was on maternaty leave for 3 months I received no salary from my job (also couldnt claim UIF as I had claimed umemployment in the last 4 years due to retrenchment) and I still had to pay 50% of everything during that time. Not once did he ask me if I was ok financially. But he knows I''m proud that way so...

Jim - I am a little scared to leave him. You see, we have a 4 month old baby and I''m thinking of her. She is my everything, although she was unplanned. But I also know him, and I''m afraid to give him custody even if its just every 2nd weekend. He has a very close family member who was arresed for molesting a little girl recently. Although it looks like the case is going nowhere I am terrified and disgusted and I feel sick when I think that I have to leave my baby (now or in the future) with him where this person will always be. I dont love him anymore. I''m tired of having to stroke his ego and be this submissive woman by his side. If I stand up for myself he gets threatened and disrespects me. One example - when we go out grocery shopping he pushes the pram or carries our baby while I''m expected to carry the heavy grocery bags and take the pram in and out of the car. I''m not a big woman (not that that would make any difference) and my back is sore! I want to cry and I''m angry that I''m so weak! I want everything to be ok but we are strangers to each other now. He wants sex to feel close and I must feel close to him before I can be intimate. Foreplay is also a chore for him but I''m always, every time, expected to give him oral sex. Its not pleasant for me anymore. I know this boat has sailed and I must face the consequences. May God help me.

Reply to Dont care anymore
Posted by: Homer | 2011/03/19

Jim''s got a point - If he is making you so sick,Pack up and leave,Or is stinky supplying the cash for all your needs and desires > ????

Reply to Homer
Posted by: jim | 2011/03/18

Question : why do you say " I wish he would leave me" ?

Are you too scared to leave him ?

Reply to jim
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/03/18

Thank you for sharing this with us and YES, you are right - it is a major turn off!!! Some people feel like that about cigarette smoke, garlick breath, smell of alcohol or a foul / swaety odour!
I however read between the lines that this is not the only thing that makes you angry /sad / unhappy? It is also important to know that there may be something else wrong with him and that is why he stopped brushing teeth or sudden onset of poor hygiene (I assume then that this is a recent thing). A few psychological /mental conditions can cause it and then there is also organic/physical problems that can cause behaviour like this. It is thus important that both of you get hekp. If there is nothing wrong with him then, then you can work on the option of going your own way. Consult your doctor or social worker / psychologist or phone the SASHA helpline (0860 100 262). Deidre - SASHA

Reply to sexologist

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