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Posted by: Anon | 2011/01/27

Realistic Timelines

Exactly a month ago my boyfriend stopped talking to me because he assumed that I was cheating on him. He saw me talking to another man. When I explained that I was directing this person who doesnt live in our city to one of the local watering holes my boyfriend assumed that I also now visit and frequent bars. In my 33 years on this earth I havent had alcohol not even as a teenager (I grew up with an alcoholic father) and have no desire to do so. Even if I did go to bar its with my friends and when I am there I have " virgin drinks" . I told him that i apologise even if I didnt do anything wrong and he chose not to accept it. I have tried to call him and he slams the phone down in my ear. The funny thing is that the guy has gone back to Gauteng, probably forgot that I exist and my bf doesnt believe that. I have decided to move on - not with another man - but to cut all ties from the current boyfriend as I cannot live with this problem and other peoples insecurities. Am i being unrealistic or should I wait around until he comes around? In the 6 years that we''ve been together I have never cheated and dont intend to. I suspect that there is someone else in his life and he is taking the easy way out and dont know how to get rid of me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Talking to other men is a necessity of life, unless you life in a nunnery, Your bf is over-reacting to a trivial incident, and sounds over-controlling and jealous. Stop apologising and pursuing him,you're wise to move on. No point in waiting for him. If he is still this excessively jealous and suspicious after klnowing you well for 6 years, he will always be like that.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2011/01/27

Hi, yes I suspect you are correct.

There is someone else in his life or he has an eye on someone else.

He has now grabbed onto the very first little thing he coul, is making it YOUR fault.

Good on you for moving on.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Outsider | 2011/01/27

Hi Anon,

My point of view leave this guy alone, let him get on with it you deserve better, you have no kids together and most likely are not married. So get out now while you still young. If he has been this way for the past 5/6 years, he will never change and will always be insecure.

Sit back and look at your life from a 3rd parties point of view, do you really want to be living in fear " of what he may think"  in 10 years time when you are 40 and then 50, BELIEVE ME it will not change.

MOVE ON - Now while you can, change the course of your future when you are 50 you will look back at your life and say " I made the right choice" 

Life is all about choices, 1 wrong choice can be devastating to your future and he is " a wrong choice" . You don''t want to be 50 looking back and REGRET and say to yourself " IF ONLY"  it will be too late.

You will become a stronger person if you take the step and move forward - I know 6 years is a long time but there is better out there be patient you sound like a good hearted natured person the person you deserve is out there.

Good Luck and hope you make the right choice for YOU.

Reply to Outsider
Posted by: Caron | 2011/01/27

Leave him alone ... don''t contact him ... he may still realise that he is behaving like a real-|-and that he needs to grow up! You have apologised, what more does he want? Don''t run after him and humiliate yourself. He seems to have issues that he needs to resolve ... if you have done nothing wrong why should you apologise? Keep yr chin up and be strong!

Reply to Caron
Posted by: Me | 2011/01/27

In my opinion tell him to grow up!! Really even if it is because off someone else after 5 years you have the right to atleast know the truth.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Casey | 2011/01/27

It is better to cut all ties with him. You are not unrealistic. Sounds like if this boyfriend as a jealous boyfriend. You will be better off without this guy.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/27

Talking to other men is a necessity of life, unless you life in a nunnery, Your bf is over-reacting to a trivial incident, and sounds over-controlling and jealous. Stop apologising and pursuing him,you're wise to move on. No point in waiting for him. If he is still this excessively jealous and suspicious after klnowing you well for 6 years, he will always be like that.

Reply to cybershrink

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