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Question
Posted by: Bongi | 2010/01/07

Realistic or pesimistic

Hi,

Yesterday I ended a relationship that was not working out. Then I decided to go for councelling for introspection. To find out why my relationships don' t work so that the next time I go into a relationship I can do better. My councellor today told me that I should be realistic in my goals. She says it' s a fact - " there are more women than men"  (I KNOW). She says I should learn to accept that I may NEVER find a man, because they might all be taken by other women. She says it could happen in the next 10 years that I find love or it could NEVER happen and I must learn to accept that. I know it' s a fact that there are more women than men but I can' t get myself to tell myself that I might NEVER find love. It' s so hard to swallow. Any thoughts? I will see her again next week to explore further, but I am unhappy with her telling me that I might NEVER find love.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like rather a crude approach by this counsellor. OK, for any of us it is true that we may or may no find love, but convincing oneself that it won't happen could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe she felt you were unrealistially certain you'd be crtain to find someone wonderful father soon, and wanted you to be a wee bit more doubtful ?
But isn' it true that, even according to the constitution, it's not compulsory that everyone will find a perfect mate ? and MIGHT never doesnt mean "will never"

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: lucyfire | 2010/01/08

Although it may be true that there are more women than men, the mortality rate is higher for guys because they live riskier life styles (sports, fast driving etc)

So it balances each other out.

There' s someone for everyone :)

Reply to lucyfire
Posted by: Really | 2010/01/07

Firstly, I would dump the Councellor and find a more positive one... we all know, there maybe more men than women, but that' s no reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship and whose to say you will not find ' happiness'  along the way.

True, you need to have realistic goals but that does not me you should just what is dished out... Relastionships are only great because couples in relationships work hard to make them work... working hard means compromising, not breaking down the rules or ignoring your values, nor disrespecting each other.

Are your goals that unrealistic that maybe the cause of the break up might have been because you had unattainable goals? Gal, you will get a man and if really you want the next relationship to work, then you need to be prepared to do a bit of work with lots of love.

Chao.

Reply to Really
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/07

Sounds like rather a crude approach by this counsellor. OK, for any of us it is true that we may or may no find love, but convincing oneself that it won't happen could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe she felt you were unrealistially certain you'd be crtain to find someone wonderful father soon, and wanted you to be a wee bit more doubtful ?
But isn' it true that, even according to the constitution, it's not compulsory that everyone will find a perfect mate ? and MIGHT never doesnt mean "will never"

Reply to cybershrink

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