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Question
Posted by: E | 2012/05/06

Realised guy is ''just not that into me''

Hi,

I knew this guy for about 3 years. We have always been frieds/ aquintances and always had contact. Although sometimes we would have spokenn everyday and then months would go by without contact.

About a month ago he told me that he liked me for a long time, and then i said i feel the same.

So we started spending more time together. He would cook for me and would invite him to mine too. We had a few sleepovers, but never sex.

Today I finally realised that " he is just not into me" . We never go out on dates, like to the movies. One time we went out he invited his housemate. I know i txt him more than he does me. He phones me about twice a week. He never ask about me. Etc. etc. he never offers to help me with anything like other men, and today i invited him for lunch and he left straight after saying he was tired. I can go on forever and read enough books to know when a guy is not interested. He also said that he can only think about commitment (not that i asked for any, it is way to early ) in about two months time, since he has a friend (who is a girl) that comes and visit for 3 weeks. He assured me there is no romantic connection between them, but his statement made me suspicious.

Point is, do I say something or do i just stop the effort from my side and let things take its toll. I really like him and is starting to develop feelings for him, so dont want to ruin it with my insecurities, but i also just want to safe me some heartache.

Thank you,
E

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe he just wants a friendship, at a lowe level of intensity than you were expecting ? Maybe he senses a stronger level of neediness on your side, something which usually frightens off a guy

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Our users say:
Posted by: E | 2012/05/08

Thanks evrybody! I have decided to not contact him again. I will respond to his messages, but will do very little from my side.

Today he sent me an email.

Point is, I never made amove. He told me he liked me. Etc,etc. so i thought he was interested. And I dont think it was just a platonic thing, because I know how hard he tried to have sex with me. Maybe that was it - when he realised I am not going to sleep with him that quickl y he started loosing interest, but why is he still contacting me. Anyway...

Petra, All the best for this thing you going through. I had boyfriends before that said I was too dont care and independent. Now i am needy. Will we ever do the right thing...

E

Reply to E
Posted by: Petra | 2012/05/08

I was recently dumped because my so-called boyfriend accused me of being " clingy and needy" ! Treat this " relationship"  as he treats it, if he is really into you, he will soon change his attitude towards you. I have ignored my ex-boyfriend for two weeks now, have blocked and deleted him from FB, my emails, my contacts on my cellphone etc. If he wants to contact me again, it''s up to him and if he does not, then so be it! I will not be treated like garbage by a man because I showed my feelings, as far as I am concerned, he can go to hell! Try to be hard and don''t allow him to hurt your feelings - spare yourself the heartache - you will get over it quickly!

Reply to Petra
Posted by: Lee | 2012/05/07

Why dont you just make a list of all the things he doesn''t do which you expect and keep it up where you can see it all the time to remind yourself of why yur eally dont want to be wiht him. The other girl etc. Dont contact him for the two months (strange that other girl...).
The treasure never does the hunting. If you chase him, he''ll get the idea he is the treasure.
Move on if he doesnt contact you or indicate that he wants as much as you do. You''ll find someone else in time.
All the best.

Reply to Lee
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/06

Maybe he just wants a friendship, at a lowe level of intensity than you were expecting ? Maybe he senses a stronger level of neediness on your side, something which usually frightens off a guy

Reply to cybershrink

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