advertisement
Question
Posted by: reality | 2012/07/10

real reason why

I have become sexually distant from my boyfriend because over the past few weeks I can see that he won''t make a good father as he is too concerned over his precious possessions with me, so how does one keep a child in check around a child unfriendly house, when a child doesnt know what is expensive and what is not!! Do I tell him the reason why I am not interested in having sex with him anymore because we cant bring a child into this world that has no place in his house?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK he doesn't sound mature enough or unselfish enough to be a fit father, and it is wise to consider such things long before marrying or settling in with someone, let alone having children. But that's not a reason to just stop having sex with him - its a reason to leave him and live your own life.
Separately, I think its important for people to think about the consequences of having children qwhen they are older than usual - it often means, for instance, that one or more of the parents will die while the children are still young - is that fair to the children ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

8
Our users say:
Posted by: Mary | 2012/07/11

There is such a thing as birth control... It''s 2012 afterall!

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/10

I think you need to consider this relationship very carefully. Your gutfeel seems to be telling you that it''s not going to work out. I had a colleague who also lived on his own for a very long time, then married someone quite a bit younger and had a son at the age of 50. He was besotted with this kid, but very controlling of both the boy and his wife in ways that were really not healthy for any of them.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: reality | 2012/07/10

Hi Maria, yes I understand what you are saying and no I havent spoken to him about it - that is why I posted here as his stuff will get messed up with kids. To answer your questions, he hasnt been around kids at all, has lived on his own for a long time (he is 48), doesnt invite people with kids to his house. He is very impatient with other people''s kids and has even reprimanded them outside of his house in front of their own parents which didnt go down too well!! He reprimands me for messing up his stuff and he is supposed to love me, so he will do the same with his kids he is supposed to love, in my books.

Reply to reality
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/10

In the younger years you pack away your valuables where the kids can''t reach, and live with it. Even then you can expect things to be broken, messed on, and in general illtreated, that''s just life with kids!

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/10

Has he been around children much? How is he around other people''s children? How does he react if people with kids visit you? That''s not a completely reliable yardstick btw, as some people really only get on with their own children. I''ve also seen people who I though would really struggle with parenthood due to being so anal about their stuff and neatness, transform once the children are there. Have you discussed this with him?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: reality | 2012/07/10

Hi Maria, yes we both want children and he is very keen to have one. But after seeing this side of him, I dont think he will make a good dad!!

Reply to reality
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/10

Well do you want to have children? Does he want to have children? Have you sat down and discussed this calmly and openly? If you have very different goals in life then is there a future for your relationship?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/10

OK he doesn't sound mature enough or unselfish enough to be a fit father, and it is wise to consider such things long before marrying or settling in with someone, let alone having children. But that's not a reason to just stop having sex with him - its a reason to leave him and live your own life.
Separately, I think its important for people to think about the consequences of having children qwhen they are older than usual - it often means, for instance, that one or more of the parents will die while the children are still young - is that fair to the children ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement