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Question
Posted by: Anele | 2013/02/19

Ready for divorce

I am at the verge of filling for divorce. My husband has abused me emotionally and physically. We stay same house. Now I feel to scared, on Thursday i will be filling at my lawyer, but I have this huge fear that what will the reaction be on his face. I have a fear that what if he loses temper and loses his mind and do some nasty things, like kill us (myself, him and the child) He is very possessive. He always threatened me with death. How do I handle this situation, currently I have no where to stay, but I am employed. I am just too scared to stay with him, after the handing over divorce papers.

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Our expert says:
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The state of his face is truly irrelevant ; the important thing is to be sure your own face is in no danger if he might become physsically abusive. Discuss the risks you fear with your lawyer and perhaps with a group like POWA which is supposed to help abused women to be safe. If he has threatened you with death, discuss this also with your lawyer asd it is a crime to do so, and if there is evidence of this, he could be arrested and jailed for making such threats. Do you have family and friends with whom you could stay for a while after he finds out about your application ? I don't think you have to be present to serve the papers, - can't the lawyer arrange for this to be done ? Or to be present, so he can witness any threats and take appropriate action ? The lawyer can seek a court order giving you the right to remain in the house, and forbidding your husband from threatening or harming you in any way. Then if he even approaches you, he can be thrown in jail. He needs to know that he must pray that no harm comes to you in any way, even accidentally, as he will be the priome suspect the police seek if any such thing happens.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anele | 2013/02/20

Thanks Kgee, I realised you always give good advices. Staying away from him will not do any good. He has been like this for a while, the problem he is a control freak, possesive and always right. When ever he has work or other problems he mentions it. Like for example if I go outside the house to visit friend and family he gets angry. He will always says he will show them who he is and because he doesnt have parents he and I have so i always to visit them. I made up my mind I just want to be out of his life, things will never change with him.

Reply to Anele
Posted by: kgee | 2013/02/20

Anele
plz dont tell HR will make things worse u will be a joke at work go to a place were u wil be safe with ur child, u can rent a flat.bt i believe he will need u 1day may he has someone in his lyf or he going through some diffult times bt men dont like to talk if something is wrong.u should try all the times to pray for him,we dont want to see the same horrafic drama like Oscar pistorious stay away for a while maybe things will be betta all the best with ur decisions

Reply to kgee
Posted by: Anele | 2013/02/19

Our HR they can really talk about peoples personal matters. I feel that telling them will make the whole company know my problems. And my other concern is going to a shelter he can wait for me at work, how will i go to work. I have a protection order but when i moved out he used to stalk me and didnt bother about it. I feel powerless, i want to go to my priest at church maybe they can ask him to come over and they will request that he stays away from me. He is heartless and says he doesnt care if he gets arrested. I will start recording everything he says and uses it as evidence.

Reply to Anele
Posted by: Anele | 2013/02/19

Our HR they can really talk about peoples personal matters. I feel that telling them will make the whole company know my problems. And my other concern is going to a shelter he can wait for me at work, how will i go to work. I have a protection order but when i moved out he used to stalk me and didnt bother about it. I feel powerless, i want to go to my priest at church maybe they can ask him to come over and they will request that he stays away from me. He is heartless and says he doesnt care if he gets arrested. I will start recording everything he says and uses it as evidence.

Reply to Anele
Posted by: .. | 2013/02/19

POWA has shelters for women in your position. Contact them and make sure you &  your child are safe when he gets it. ALso file a restraining order against him, if he wants to talk, he can do so through your lawyer. Please make sure that HR knows about it, so that your workplace can also support you quietly. Then save up for a deposit on a flat, and start your new life! Congratulations on finding your strength, keep strong!

Reply to ..

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