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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-16

Re:4364

Hi again.
Yes i know he is scared of how i react about his issues.Because if he is still having these thoughts i will never be able to be intimite with him.Its a huge issue for me.He knows how i feel about the issue,and therefore i dont think he will admit to anything incase his marriage is in trouble again!
The anger issue is much better and he is better with the kids.( i told you he has never hit us,he just get these sudden and randomly outburst over something small.
This woman must be kind of good because i search her name on the net and she has written a book or 2 and did some articals.But what do i know?And yes she told me she wanted to do the hipno thing because he doesnt talk much.He did not even told her about his complicated relationship with his mother.It sounds to me that he only told her he had anger issues and does not know how to control it!!!
I can work on the anger and emosional outbursts.But it took me years to forgive him for still persuing the gender issues and him keeping it from me.I did not sleep with him for more than a year,because this came up in my mind all the time,and then i really worked hard in trying to trust him again,we made some progress in the intamacy department,but then he started treating me and the kids like dirt more often(angry issues),then my resolve went out the window again.I cant make love to him.How am i ever going to get this out of my mind,forgiving is one thing but forgetting isnt so easy!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I is really valuable to distinuish between thoughts and actions. I am surethat at times, in different circumstances, you have "thoughts" about things you would not do and which you would feel bad about and would not want to be broadcast to the community at large. Books a therapist has publihed only count if they were published by a major world publisher, not, as is sometimes the case in SA, if they are essentially self-published. Similarly, articles are important when in major world journals rather than in Heat !
I wonder, reading your messages, whether you don't also have some anger isues, anger about his fantasies past or present, and other issues. Leaving aside your concern that he has any "gender issues" at all --- don't you love the man himself ?

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