Posted by: Me | 2009-08-16


Ive written to you before,did not want to say,feel like i cant get over my troubles.I dont really like asking for some-one elses opinion all the time,as i feel i want to make my own decisions.its not working at the moment! It was me who`s husband works in the middle east,with the temper problem and the " past gender issues" !He cross dressed and so on!He told the therapist its over and done with,but takes time to get it out of his sistem.But i feel if it was only a passing fase in his life why is it taking years to get out of his sistem.Anyway i went alone for one session to the therapist to tell her about his gender issues as i feel its part of his outlook in life and it has a huge impact on our marriage ,which he doesnt notice!And all has an effect on how he reacts to us.(his lying about stuff,gender issues,anger problem,he`s parents divorce when he was 6!he`s moms emosional blackmail attitude towards him)He only told the therapist about his anger issue !She did not know about the othr stuff until i told her,like his parents divorce,gender issues,lying.i feel that this has all an impact on how he behaves in life!
Anyway after therapy he makes an effort and im polite aswell,but it feels that my love for him is dead.If he doesnt even want to discuss the things in his life that had a HUGE impact on him with the therapist,how will he ever deal with it.Anyway we had one last session 2 weeks ago,but could not go as he got another contract overseas again,so we cancelled!And even if he stopped with the gender stuff,i cant get the images out of my head.It was a VERY BIG SHOCK for me to discover and rediscover after our little boy was born!It was like a fisical blow in my chest!Therapy is so expensive,i dont want to waste a session on how to communicate if he doesnt deal with stuff in his past because he doesnt see it as a problem(lying to me,the shock of his parents divorse and so on)

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Our expert says:
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You can ask for, and wisely use, other people's opinions, while still making your own decisions.
I remmber your previous communications. I wonder how he manages to resist the urge to cross dress while working in the mid-east, where they are likely to be highly intolerant of such behaviour. Sounds like he decided to talk only about the anger issues with his therapist, because that was what he had promised to do, while deciding to hide everything else, whereas as I often remind patients, by lying to your therapist, or hiding significant facts, you cheat only yourself.
Are the "gender" issues important in relation to your feeling that you no longer love him ? Are they, indeed, an issue for you ( as some other people might consider this relatively harmless compared to other potential oddities ) ? Or is it possible that, for instance, you may have become Depressed, for whatever reason ( mor none ) and that this is contributing both to your loss of loving feelings, and your tendency to find it hard to see hope for the relationship ?
I gather some of these overseas contracts can pay well, but is there perhaps an element of escapism ( from troublesome aspects of the relationship, or perhaps something else ) in his focus on wanting to work in distant places ?

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