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Question
Posted by: Distressed | 2010/11/04

RE1192 IN A PICKLE

The child is 5yrs old. Her mother was recently in rehab and I took the child at that stage because I felt it would be best. Unfortunately the family dynamics are very dysfuntional on the maternal side. Whilst the mother was in rehab the child willingly went to stay by Dad etc but since her mother''''s return she is rather clingy. The mother is with her all week but spends the weekend away without her. My son has heard the way the mother speaks to the child (swears etc) I''''ve told him to draw up a Parenting Plan and discuss it with her but they also have such a bad history so it''''s difficult for them to sit and talk. The fact that the child''''s mother is living with me is posing a problem for him as there is a lot of tension and maybe jealousy. But I can''''t throw her out as where will she go with the child. She likes hanging around with unsavoury characters and the only reason I agreed to take her in is so that we could have the child in a good environment. She seems fine and has not returned to drugs. Been out of rehab for a month now. The father assists with whatever the child needs but he is not responsible for the mother as they were never married.
CS do you think the the little girl should go for play therapy and maybe the doc would be able to pick up any underlying anxiety etc. One doesn''''t know what goes on in their little minds. I''''m sure it''''s terrible to be torn away from your mother but I would like her to see that both her parents love her and get to the stage where she spends every 2nd weekend with her dad.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The child may well be clingy because she recognizes her mother's instability and feels understandably insecure. I wonder whether Child Welfare would consider it so important to put up with the mother's bad behaviour, as this may not be as important for the child as consistency and reliable love. She might not necessarily be wlloed, if the authorities became involved, with the child, given her instability.
If the child seems troubled, seeing a Child Psychologist for assessment and advice might be a good idea. Don't automatically assume that Play Therapy, often offered by people with little or no useful training, is likely to be helpful.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/05

The child may well be clingy because she recognizes her mother's instability and feels understandably insecure. I wonder whether Child Welfare would consider it so important to put up with the mother's bad behaviour, as this may not be as important for the child as consistency and reliable love. She might not necessarily be wlloed, if the authorities became involved, with the child, given her instability.
If the child seems troubled, seeing a Child Psychologist for assessment and advice might be a good idea. Don't automatically assume that Play Therapy, often offered by people with little or no useful training, is likely to be helpful.

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