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Question
Posted by: Mom | 2011/09/26

Re: Why does it bother me so much

I think there might be 2 reasons why I''m so upset. One is that I despise unfairness, especially towards my son, and the other is that I spent most of my life being worried that people don''t like me. But thats another story. My son is very competitive, and I am a bit worried that he might be a bit too overbearing towards his friends. His teacher is not concerned, so should I trust her view on the matter? we put quite a lot of emphasis on not always being first and the best and the strongest at home, as he is the eldest of 3 brothers. He has to compete for attention at home, so I guess its not strange that he takes it with to school as well??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I share your intense dislike of unfairness, and regret that it turns up so often in the world. Maybe we should recognize the potential advantages of opportunities to teach our children how to cope with unfairness. Your second reasons rings true, too. Maybe there's a level of similarity between you and OverConcernedMom (OCM ). Maybe if one has a degree of lack of self-esteem, such as your concern that others may not like you, one may try a bit hard to ensure that one's child is liked ? Maybe in some ways you are both worried that your son might fel unliked, even though that doesn't seem to have been a problem the childen actually experienced.
Having 3 brothers, as you say, he is used to competing for attention, probably in a wholesome way ; whereas the others if only children, or not in direct competition with sibs, may be less able to compete assertively ?
I'd guess your boys teacher sees many more children thahn any individual mom does, so her opinion is probably worth taking seriously.
Have you discussed these issues with your son ? Things like how competitiveness can be good or bad, depending on how one does it, and how it might make others feel ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/26

I share your intense dislike of unfairness, and regret that it turns up so often in the world. Maybe we should recognize the potential advantages of opportunities to teach our children how to cope with unfairness. Your second reasons rings true, too. Maybe there's a level of similarity between you and OverConcernedMom (OCM ). Maybe if one has a degree of lack of self-esteem, such as your concern that others may not like you, one may try a bit hard to ensure that one's child is liked ? Maybe in some ways you are both worried that your son might fel unliked, even though that doesn't seem to have been a problem the childen actually experienced.
Having 3 brothers, as you say, he is used to competing for attention, probably in a wholesome way ; whereas the others if only children, or not in direct competition with sibs, may be less able to compete assertively ?
I'd guess your boys teacher sees many more children thahn any individual mom does, so her opinion is probably worth taking seriously.
Have you discussed these issues with your son ? Things like how competitiveness can be good or bad, depending on how one does it, and how it might make others feel ?

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