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Posted by: G | 2010/09/15

re: Therapist/Friend post

Thank you so much for your speedy reply, I appreciate it. I do feel very guilty about the way I sometimes treat him as I am not like this with anyone else. I am honest with him and he sees the “ real”  person that I am. My problem is I find it very hard to communicate verbally with someone. I hate speaking on the phone or to people etc. Sms/email are my way of communicating as I express myself exactly how I want to. When I speak to someone I become “ stupid”  and unable to say what I really want to say and everything becomes a jumbled mess. When I started therapy, I had to make notes (still do) and instead of talking, I would read them as I would forget what I wanted to say. I used to attend a support group but I was filled with so much anxiety, I would go completely blank. Since being in therapy, I have improved, but it is still very difficult to express myself, especially when dealing with difficult issues. There are things that I find difficult to talk about (although I want to) and that is why I send him sms’ s or emails. This is something which I am working on and I must say that I have improved. It is very frustrating being the person I am. I was molested as a child and it is very difficult for me to talk about it (even though I want to). Some things are very difficult to talk about and I find smsing/emailing easier as otherwise I would not be able to tell him a lot of things. He has agreed that I could sms/email (when necessary) but I admit sometimes it does get out of hand. I have always been an independent person but now I am " dependant"  on him and I don''t like it as I am very aware of how busy he is and most importantly, that he is normal human being with a private life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, I do recognize that where someone finds many topics, or just one, hard to talk about directly, it may be useful, with the agreement of the therapist, to write it down ( reasonably briefly !) and give it to him or e-mail it ahead of time - not expecting out-of-sessions responses, but so he can read it through at the start of the next session, and then discuss it.
I would expect, too, that your therapist would place such issues, an your degree of dependence on him, on the agenda for serious discussion within sessions.
Such dependency can easily become out of hand , and therapists may get tempted to allow and even to foster it, as it can feel good to be that important to someone else. So its good to hear that your therapist eals with this matter so responsibly and apparently effecively.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: G | 2010/09/16

Please don’ t misunderstand me, he is strictly professional and has strong ethical values and for this I respect him. No, we don’ t do email or sms therapy as he has told me countless times that it is not how therapy works, however, he understands my need to send them. He is just there for support and will tell me to bring the issues to session. It is very reassuring knowing he has read them and knows what is truly going on in my mind. I want to heal but I know a part of me is resistant and this is my way of fighting back. I am going to show him these notes I’ ve posted as well as your responses.

Reply to G
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/16

OK, I do recognize that where someone finds many topics, or just one, hard to talk about directly, it may be useful, with the agreement of the therapist, to write it down ( reasonably briefly !) and give it to him or e-mail it ahead of time - not expecting out-of-sessions responses, but so he can read it through at the start of the next session, and then discuss it.
I would expect, too, that your therapist would place such issues, an your degree of dependence on him, on the agenda for serious discussion within sessions.
Such dependency can easily become out of hand , and therapists may get tempted to allow and even to foster it, as it can feel good to be that important to someone else. So its good to hear that your therapist eals with this matter so responsibly and apparently effecively.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: emailethics | 2010/09/15

There was another patient/reader who emailed here not so long ago also about emails with therapist. Her story was not a happy one so be warned. I don''t know what the ethics are on emails in therapy - seems to be a grey area.

Reply to emailethics
Posted by: anon | 2010/09/15

Does he email you back? Do you do therapy via email?

Reply to anon

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