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Question
Posted by: Mosa | 2010/01/27

RE: the other guy

Thanks guys for your advice. I know I shouldn' t have hooked up with this guy but I was at a point where I just felt my marriage is over and there' s nothing we can do about it. I' m just so angry and resentful towards my husband. He' s been treating me so bad(affairs, kissing women, ex girlfriend) and everything he does he' s got reasons and reasons for it. Then later when he' s done sleeping and kissing them he' ll say I' m so sorry, I was stupid, I shouldn' t have done that, I was over sighted etc I' m just tired unfortunately I slept with this guy too soon. I' ve scheduled an appointment with a marriage counselor, for me basically to get advice on whether I should leave or stay. But I already know the counselor we' ll say leave just like my 2 therapist I went to alone. Unfortunately I was not ready to leave, really I should have left then but I stayed to try and save my marriage but now I feel like why should I sell myself short and be with someone who doesn' t respect me, never listens. When he had an affair that he couldn' t end for months once we were in the car traveling and he said " I WANT TO CALL MY MISTRESS AND EVEN IF YOU SAY NO I" LL CALL HER ANYWAY, I WONT CALL HER IN THE CAR BUT I WILL SO IF I WERE YOU I WOULN" T SAY NO"  and he called her when I sitting on the passenger seat and our son was in there too. Those words and the feeling it' s like it happened yesterday yet it happened 5 yrs ago. We' ll see what happens with counseling but I' ve got no hope at all none whatsoever.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sad, isn't it, that when one fears the marriage may be over, we tend to think of doing things that will guarantee that it's over !
A marriage counsellor ( if you could persuade him to take part, maybe if he thinks it's to help him with whatever problems he thinks he has with you ! )will make it clear there are no excuses for his cheating and worrying you about his fidelity.
But now you reveal you have seen 2 therapists and a marriage counsellor, all of whom told you to leave him. You now reveal further details that make it clear he has no respect for you ( or himself ) at all. You cannot possibly save the marriage all on your own. Unless he sincerely wants to save it, you may as well leave him

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/27

Sad, isn't it, that when one fears the marriage may be over, we tend to think of doing things that will guarantee that it's over !
A marriage counsellor ( if you could persuade him to take part, maybe if he thinks it's to help him with whatever problems he thinks he has with you ! )will make it clear there are no excuses for his cheating and worrying you about his fidelity.
But now you reveal you have seen 2 therapists and a marriage counsellor, all of whom told you to leave him. You now reveal further details that make it clear he has no respect for you ( or himself ) at all. You cannot possibly save the marriage all on your own. Unless he sincerely wants to save it, you may as well leave him

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