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Question
Posted by: Me | 2010/09/30

Re-So Rude

Thanks for the replies!
Honestly I do not think that is it ok to be treated this way and I do not even know how to explain why I stay.
It''s just sometimes I think, ok he has done this, I have let him know that its not ok and we have spoken about it and from there he would not do that again but then down the line he does something else and then we go through it again.
At the time he does these things I feel really crappy and wonder why I''m with him but when its over and I think about what he had done it then dsnt seem as bad, its like I think it over and the feelings that I felt while he done whatever he done is no longer there and then I begin to think that maybe it wasnt that bad after all and that maybe I over-reacted which sometimes he tells me too.
Its like I fool myself about the whole situation to make it seem'' not that bad''
The other thing is I do love him and I do picture us together and maybe you guys might say that I''m just stupid but if it was someone else I would say the same thing but its just not that eaasy.
He has done alot for me and with me and I know that he does love me.
When I think about us going to therapy or anything like that I can just picture us arguing ... Even when I explain some situation to a friend and tell how it happened he would have a whole different version of the same event. What I said/done, what he said/done so that just seems so hopeless to me because we don''t even see the same things, then I start to wonder if what happened perhaps never happened the way I had said it had!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not about the very specific thing he does, is it ? What matters is what it represents, as there are so many ways of showing disrespect - what he needs to stop is showing disrespect and lack o care for yourr feelings in ANY way, not just to stop one way and find another.
And again, its not about your recovering your good feelings after each episode, but why should you need to ?
HOW do you "picture yourselves together" ? As an old couple, ater 40 years of marriage, and he is still putting you down and making you feel crappy ?
The poin of therapy / counselling is to get beyond his automatic excuses and the surface arguments, to the real issues, and see if those can be solved. You see things, understandably, as you see and experience them - if the two of you are truly so different, that he can't even understand how you see it, then there's really not much of a good relationship there. And if he doesn't care, then what relationship is there ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Another me | 2010/10/01

You need to step back and realize that you are not happy. You really do deserve better than this. Everyone does. You want to believe that this is fine, but deep inside you know that it will never be. Only way for you to be happy is to atart a better life without this person. I was there. Thought only me really understood him. 10 years later I am so sorry for wasting so much time. There is someone else out there who will respect you and love you for who you are. Get out now - although I doubt you will.

Reply to Another me
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/09/30

Hi Me,

I guess you are really tring hard to get a positive response for your abusive partner. My advice is, whatever you do, don''t bring children into this world with him as a father. They don''t deserve to grow up seeing him beating up their mom or being beat up themselves. You have every right to do as you please with your life, you are an adult but don''t seal their fate!

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/30

Its not about the very specific thing he does, is it ? What matters is what it represents, as there are so many ways of showing disrespect - what he needs to stop is showing disrespect and lack o care for yourr feelings in ANY way, not just to stop one way and find another.
And again, its not about your recovering your good feelings after each episode, but why should you need to ?
HOW do you "picture yourselves together" ? As an old couple, ater 40 years of marriage, and he is still putting you down and making you feel crappy ?
The poin of therapy / counselling is to get beyond his automatic excuses and the surface arguments, to the real issues, and see if those can be solved. You see things, understandably, as you see and experience them - if the two of you are truly so different, that he can't even understand how you see it, then there's really not much of a good relationship there. And if he doesn't care, then what relationship is there ?

Reply to cybershrink

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