Posted by: Anon | 2013-02-20

RE RE: Post 508

Thank you CS,

Yes, that is exactly how he feels. He has told me that when he''s around his family he feels that he needs to pretent to me someone he''s not and he''s sick of it....but yet he can''t manage not to ACT like he''s had to all he''s life.... (this is exactly why I take psychology into account in parenting my kids).

From the day all hell broke loose and we packed out things and left I have, on numerous occasions, thanked him for standing up for he''s wife and kids. We have discussed the situation with my parents and very close friends of ours and everyone agrees with us.

I try not to bring the subject up too often, only if I says something first, he also told me that he doesn''t want my parents to use this to SHINE as the better grandparents etc (they wouldn''t do that and love our kids unconditionally)

What puzzles me is he Dad, he was not present at the 2nd encounter initially (when to the shops), when he returned and heard that thing have been said agian het removed himself completely and when outside the house and spend the rest of the morning avoiding everything that going on inside...... when we left, all he said was, you have to do what you have to do.

Thank you for your response, I will do my best to ONLY support and not interfere with what my husband decides to do.


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Our expert says:
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Breaking bad habits is difficult. I don't know what I say "bad" because one rarely tries to break a good habit.
Remind him this is not a competition. Your parents are loving and good grandparentsm abd would be so wither the other grandparents were monsters or had won the Nobel Prize for Grandparenting. His parents presumably do their best, its just that they really don't understand how to do it well.
Its not an issue of "Not interfering", just of supporting and encouraging the best aspects of how your husband has been responding, to encourage more of that, and to discourage him from focussing only on an inappropriate senese of failure.

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