Our expert says:
YOu still seem to be doing so much for him, so he's hardly really Ex, is he ?
Its not your fault he has wasted all his money, and he can't expect you to carry his car and home bond costs, when only he enjoys these, and he ought to be making realistic plans to cut his expenses to fit what he can afford - maybe a small flat and using the bus ?
To forgive him, in the sense of seting yourself free to elad your own life, is wise. But to do so in the sense of continuing to sponsor his worthless way of life, is not.
He is WRONG when he says that now, having spent all his cash and burned all his bridges, only you can help him. Maybe he assumes that only you WILL help him, but that's different. Above all, HE can and MUST help himself, an option he seems uninterested in.
You MUST NOT sacrifice yourself and your children, emotionally or financially, for his sake. He must lie in the bed he has insisted on making for himself. And so long as you will sponsor him, he has no real need to change for the better or wiser.
How to deal with this is to cut him loose, reminding him that he is and must be his own responsibility, and that you have your own responsibilities to yourself and the kids, which must and will always come first. Remind him, too, that it is more than time that he took responsibility or all his own errors and for putting things right by his own eforts.
This is NOT a situation in which you should be treated or medicated so as to make the unacceptable feel acceptable.
Otherwise it's like someone with their hand pressed against a hot stove, as it's getting burned, asking for ointment. No. Switch off the stove and move away.
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