Our expert says:
Try to separate the appropriate feelings from inappropriate interpretations of them. There is no reason for you to feel guilty - he chose to harm himself, you didn't do that or cause that, indeed what he did was actually hostile towards all of you, at the least ignoring the anguish this would cause you.
He did bad and selfish things, but was also at times a nice guy, we feel sad and mourn the loss of the nice aspects of him, without ignoring the bad aspects. That you or anyone feels sad that he's gone, must not be allowed to be a cause of guilt for you. If he'd been hit by a train or earthquake, it would also have been sad, but maybe it'd have been harder for you to feel guilty about it.
Yes, he loved you, but that didn't stop him from acting in selfpdamaging ways that were hurtful to you. It is very appropriate for you to feel angry, too - he did leave you with many of his messes to clean up, and that wasn't fair.
You could n ot possibly have tried harder to be there for him, nor could anyone else ( nor would anyone else have even tried a fraction as hard as you did ).
His anger was directed against himself, with you being a side-victim. People who blame you for what he did are ignorant and foolish - and of course they were entirely welcome to have accepted the burden of caring for him, and chose not to do so.
And yes, when people praise you for being a "strong person" they're both being accurate, but also being grateful that your strength let and lets them off the hook, and enables them to feel they didn't have to and don't have to, be helpful.
See i you can find a counsellor to talk things through with, maybe through lifeline
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