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Posted by: New | 2012-05-28

Re: Post 693 - suppressing love

OK, the reason why I feel that I have to suppress this love is because he is in seminary studying to be a priest. I didn''t say it in my original post because I don''t want to be called an evil temptress who is seducing a man of God. We did not plan to fall in love - and there was no seduction, we just connected emotionally.

I have asked him to consider how serious this is. I have asked him if he could ever leave the seminary to be with me and he said that he would gladly do that if I were to fully commit to loving him. But I am scared of pulling him out of his calling. That''s why we have tried to break up but we end up back together. It''s hard to break up if nothing wrong has happened.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, in your story there's a so-called man of God who is allowing himself to be seduced ( your word ) ! He needs to complete his studies, as I hope seminary students will receive training ( they certainly should ) rather like shrinks and counsellors do, to recognize the risks of forming inappropriate relationships with people they should serve rather than service, to recognize and handle such situations much better than he is apparently doing.
I don't recall your relative ages, but if he is mature enough to enter a seminary, he is old enough not to take advantage of the situation or to allow it to develop this far. I wonder how clear and unambiguous is his "calling" if he can allow this situation to develop.
And to have suggested that you make a committment to him was improper.
He MUST discuss this frankly and in appropriate detail with his teachers and confessor or equivalent at the seminary, who have surely encountered such problems before. Stop concentrating on what you both imagine ( maybe accurately, maybe not ) to be "love" - what has happened to his supposed love of God and his calling to keep to the rules of the priesthood is is supposedly joining ? The spiritual aspects of this he must work through with his spiritual advisors. NOT to do so is unfair to everyone concerned. Either his "calling" is strong enough and he will be able to deal with this spiritually and socially, or it is not, in which case he is in the wrong place and planning the wrong profession for himself.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-05-28

Well, in your story there's a so-called man of God who is allowing himself to be seduced ( your word ) ! He needs to complete his studies, as I hope seminary students will receive training ( they certainly should ) rather like shrinks and counsellors do, to recognize the risks of forming inappropriate relationships with people they should serve rather than service, to recognize and handle such situations much better than he is apparently doing.
I don't recall your relative ages, but if he is mature enough to enter a seminary, he is old enough not to take advantage of the situation or to allow it to develop this far. I wonder how clear and unambiguous is his "calling" if he can allow this situation to develop.
And to have suggested that you make a committment to him was improper.
He MUST discuss this frankly and in appropriate detail with his teachers and confessor or equivalent at the seminary, who have surely encountered such problems before. Stop concentrating on what you both imagine ( maybe accurately, maybe not ) to be "love" - what has happened to his supposed love of God and his calling to keep to the rules of the priesthood is is supposedly joining ? The spiritual aspects of this he must work through with his spiritual advisors. NOT to do so is unfair to everyone concerned. Either his "calling" is strong enough and he will be able to deal with this spiritually and socially, or it is not, in which case he is in the wrong place and planning the wrong profession for himself.

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