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Question
Posted by: Lauren | 2009-09-01

Re: Post 3996- Annoying Girl

Hi Doc, thanx for your reply to my question. However I think that you' ve slightly misunderstood what I' ve said. Ok, you mentioned that I cannot complain if I have advertized as a freelancer and I agree with you, however this annoying girl (let' s call her Clair) knew I did modeling from my boyfriend who mentioned it to his mother who in turn mentioned it to Claire. I only recently advertized on mxit but I' ve been doing modeling for as long as I' ve left my previous workplace. So she' s been talking about it before I put any ad' s up. And when you said my responses to her so far could be encouraging her even more- I HAVEN' T responded ONCE before the mxit ad. I sent her the SMS once but NEVER BEFORE have I acted in revenge or retaliated. I have ignored her- her stories have all been without any encouragement on my side. You said nobody in my story is behaving in a mature and sensible way however as I mentioned, this is the first time I have retaliated in over a year and a half, even though she accused me of vandalizing her car and trying to KILL her. So yes, the advert wasn' t my smartest move but after being accused of attemped murder and a whole lot of other lies which I have not responded to before, I had enough. But I want to know, will the words of other people be enough to get Claire to stop?

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Our expert says:
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I wasn't commenting on the precise specifics --- I mentioned that you can't get far complaining about a statment that is true, unless it can be shown to be highly damaging and done purely out of malice., and even then it'd be very difficult. And if the modelling isn't something you need to feel shamed of, and something which other people know about ( and it's hardly a secretive way of life !)
She isnt doing this because she enjoys it itself, but because she has some reasons to believe that it is hurting or upsetting you --- whether from any direct responses from you, or from what she hears from anyone else you mau complain to, or just from what other people might say about your responses. ANYTHING she can find out to suggest to her that you are bothered by what she is doing, will encourage her to continue doing it. So I;m not talking about revenge or retailiation. Just pointing out what usually motivates people who are behaving maliciously.
The words of other people are unlikely to be something to convince her to stop ; and the mere evidence that more pople ar einvolved and concerned might actually encourage her

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