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Question
Posted by: lee | 2008/10/06

RE  post 1606

He had the vasectomy done while we had spilt up, reason for him was that he has a son with his ex and daughter with me, so he has his 2. I thought i was content with just the one but over the years i have been pining for another my child also asks me all the time when i' m going to have another one as she would like a brother or sister at home. He said he would have it reversed in July this year and i' m still waiting and if i bring it up we just fight.
I have been wanting one before i found out my friends were pregnent and now it' s just put me into a deeper depression than before.

I' ve thought long and hard but it' s what i really want, do i resent him for the rest of my life for robbing me of that gift?

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Our expert says:
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I understand that you want a child. And its understandable that he, already supporting 2 children, may not want another child. I would pay attention to the wishes of your child, but one doesn't have another child because your firstborn wants a sibling --- actually, with the age difference likely, she might not be as happy about it if it happened, as she thinks. Does your life feel empty in other ways, too, and is this mainly the central example of your wanting something else in your life to keep occupied and feeling valuable ?
When one spouse wants another child and the other doesn't, that's unfortunate and needs to be dealt with within dicsussion or counselling --- one can't, to be fair, conclude that the one not wanting a further child is necessarily wrong, or selfish, or "robbing" you ---its as reasonable for him not to want one as it is for you to want it.

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