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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/07/03

RE: Please help

A while back I posted that I''m pregnant with my first child father which is married now, (it only happened once and I fell pregnant) and that I wanted to have an abortion but that I wasn''t sure that it is what I wanted. After a lot of thinking I''ve decided to keep the baby but my problem now is that the Father is begging me to have an abortion, I have told him that I won''t be able to do that, but then he says nasty stuff to me like a want to ruin his life and I wanted this to happen and he''ll loose his family over this and it will be my fault. He blames me completely. He keeps saying the right thing to do is to go for the abortion. I don''t want to do this but he puts all the blame on me, says I wanted this to happen. What should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As Tanya says, it only needs once to produce a pregnancy, and both of you acted thoughtlessly and irresponsibly ; but he is now behaving especially badly. It sounds as though he is pushing for an abortion for his own selfish reasons, raher than considering the best for you and the innocent child. The blame is NOT all yours, and he isn't much of a man if he fails to acknowledge his own full responsibility.
If you go ahead and have the child, it is essential that you go to court to have it prove that he is the biological father, and to order him to pay appropriate maintenance for the child's benefit until the child is an adult.
If his family are outraged by what was HIS behaviour, and he loses anything, it will be a direct result of what he chose to do, and not your fault. Do not accept the blame ; make your own decision and don't decide on an abortion just because it would be more convenient and cheaper for him.

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Reply to MOORE JULIET
Posted by: Tanya | 2012/07/03

It takes only once to fall pregnant. The father is equally responsible for your pregnancy and is only trying his luck as he only realises now the consequences of his bad choice to have sex with you, nevermind unprotected sex.

Your choice to have sex with a married, or almost married man, was not the best choice either but he has no right to put the blame on you completely. I think you should remind him that it takes two people to make a baby.

Hope all turns out ok for this innocent baby.

Reply to Tanya
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/03

As Tanya says, it only needs once to produce a pregnancy, and both of you acted thoughtlessly and irresponsibly ; but he is now behaving especially badly. It sounds as though he is pushing for an abortion for his own selfish reasons, raher than considering the best for you and the innocent child. The blame is NOT all yours, and he isn't much of a man if he fails to acknowledge his own full responsibility.
If you go ahead and have the child, it is essential that you go to court to have it prove that he is the biological father, and to order him to pay appropriate maintenance for the child's benefit until the child is an adult.
If his family are outraged by what was HIS behaviour, and he loses anything, it will be a direct result of what he chose to do, and not your fault. Do not accept the blame ; make your own decision and don't decide on an abortion just because it would be more convenient and cheaper for him.

Reply to cybershrink

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