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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2010-09-14

re: new relationships - obsession

Yesterday I posted about the new relationship that I am in wher the guys calls me up to 15 times a day. Yesterday I had the same thing, he called and I smsed saying that I am in a meeting with my boss and that I will be back late. I do statistics for a living and 9 out of 10 times i ignore my cellphone when I am doing projects as I cannot provide the incorrect data to top management as they will be making the wrong decisions based on my stats. I explained this to him from day 1. I had a discussion with my friends this morning and they tell me that I may be the problem as I told them what happened yesterday.

Your advice would be appreciated. I worked late because of the meeting, by 17h30 he had already called me 8 times (he drops the call, and then calls back immediately after that). I smsed him and told him that I wasnt back and my battery was flat so I would call him back. When I got back I needed to cook for my daughter and prepare for today as I am out of the house generally as early at 6h30am. Then he called again (5 times) but at this stage I had my landlord at my flat because they need to do renovations, i smsed him telling that I am busy at the moment. After that i went to see a close friend because she had suspected that her 3yr old was molested and I wanted to know that everything is okay. When i returned home he had called 3 more times, at 19h30 my daughters father came for his weekly visit and when he does that I generally leave them and it gives me time to prepare for the next day. He (my daughters father)left at about 20H30 and I went to bed. I have also told him initially that I go to bed early, generally I am asleep at 8pm Monday to Sunday, because I stare at a PC the entire day and I am tired. I also go to the gym at 6am in the morning. When I woke up this morning there was another 10 missed calls. Now really what am I doing wrong, i told him that i dont want anything serious but for us to be friends. My friends tell me that he sees me as a trophy and that he is scared that I am dating someone else. I dont cheat on my partners and will not start doing it now. Who is the problem here? If I really see him as much as he would like I would never have time for myself or my daughter and she is my main priority. I was with me on Sunday from 11-7pm and then called me back at 8 telling me he misses me.

In my opinion this is a bit much, am I wrong for being concerned.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Tell him that in future you will switch of your cell at all times while at work, and if he finds this a problem he really, really needs to see a therapist to work out his personal problems. He sounds alarmingly inadequate and profoundly insecure and neurotic, and a really bad bet as someone with whom it would be possible to have a stable and happy relationship - so hugely needy ! This is lot more than "a bit" too much. You already have one child to look after, and don't need to adopt a second child

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: just saying! | 2010-09-14

You are not ready for a relationship and it is unfair to string him along.... you are to busy for him,let him be so he can found someone deserving of his love, because you dont want it...you made it clear..

Reply to just saying!
Posted by: Lovey | 2010-09-14

Why did you say you will call him back and never did. You also not a woman of your word. You could have called him and hear what he had to say, then afterwhat you could avoid his calls if u wanted too.

Reply to Lovey
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-14

Tell him that in future you will switch of your cell at all times while at work, and if he finds this a problem he really, really needs to see a therapist to work out his personal problems. He sounds alarmingly inadequate and profoundly insecure and neurotic, and a really bad bet as someone with whom it would be possible to have a stable and happy relationship - so hugely needy ! This is lot more than "a bit" too much. You already have one child to look after, and don't need to adopt a second child

Reply to cybershrink

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