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Question
Posted by: Visitor | 2009-10-27

re-marriage ??

Do any of you believe that one can get re-married after divorce, I mean to the same person. The divorce was a mistake and we decided to get re-married. I was the guilty one. He does or says things that he knows will hurt me things and then says now you know how I felt, but this is already a couple of years on. Do you think he will eventually stop trying to hurt me (he says he does / says these things in the heat of the moment!). Do you think that a re-marriage can work. I really really want it to I love him very very much. Any advice please

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course one CAN get re-married after divorce - it's legal. There's no reason to believe that it;s wise. It should absolutely NEVER be undertaken without at least spending a period together in couples counselling to discover whether there's any chance of things working out better the second time around.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lady nina | 2009-10-27

hi visitor

i also still love my x of 8 years and we are very good friends

no one can tell you what is best - only you will know it

however there is 2 sides you need to consider
the reasons you got divorced are very real and needs both of you take responsibility and work on it

eg. my x is wild and live forthe moment and i needed security and stability - so for us to work things out both of us would have to change inside - i would have to find me need for stability met by something other than him, in that case i would not be so much effected by his wild ways - but would i be able to do that? isn' t it " normal "  to expect your need to be met by your partner ? would you not end up being dissapointed again becuase you have expectations ?

it' s complicated and no guilty or innocent party - both has to deal with the issues eg even if one party cheated and the one is" innocent"  both has to learn to trust and both has to learn to let go - no easy way

and i would not take a gamble if there is kids involved - one trauma to deal with is bad enough - imagine if things don' t work out again - what would that do to the kids ?

being friends and taking things slow might be the wisest - till you have built the trust again

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-10-27

Of course one CAN get re-married after divorce - it's legal. There's no reason to believe that it;s wise. It should absolutely NEVER be undertaken without at least spending a period together in couples counselling to discover whether there's any chance of things working out better the second time around.

Reply to cybershrink

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