Posted by: Anon!! | 2009-09-15

Re: Just a thought

I have noticed something with my wife, and would like to know if others have the same issue.

When it comes to bed time my wife always has a headache, backache, stomache etc..
This is her way of saying now....( oh pls not today, i' m not feeling well )
Many of you will say i' m over reacting, but really this is going on for years now.
We sleep MAYBE 2 twice a month :(....
And she is not interested in taking anything that may help the low sex drive. BUT, if there is a product for the hair or some diet stuff, make no mistake she is on it.

Is this selfish of her??
How much longer without sex....
Some say sex is not all that important, I say it is...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

there is no norm for sex drive and the only time it becomes a problem is when there is a discrepency in desire between sexual partners as it is in your case. try communicating yor sexual desires and needs with her: she may be more willing to listen and assist you if your needs are tuned towards oral / outer sex. in this sense, you may state to her that you would like to have sex twice a week but this needs not be penetrative sex - she can rather masturbate you or give you oral sex. additionally, ask her if you can reciprocate what she does to you - maybe when she realises that you are just as willing to listen to her needs and focus solely on them (ie; stimulating her through oral sex), she may just awaken to a higher sex drive. sex that is based on mutual satisfaction and communication is arousing to anybody.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-09-18

I can deal with that. I am a strong and independent woman.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ja | 2009-09-17

Anonymous - i think thats it.
Think i' ll make it easier for her and toss her-|-onto the street.
Maybe your husband should do the same?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-09-17

Oh and by the way, if he chooses to go out and have sex with a complete stranger, then so be it. However, he is at home every night, cooking me dinner. If he decides to go that route, then at least I have grounds for a divorce. Now I only stay because of my children.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-09-17

My husband doesn' t ask me if I love him or not. He probably just assumes that I do. Don' t get me wrong, he is a great lover, always makes sure that I reach an orgasm, treats me like most woman wants to be treated, always wants to have sex with me, etc., etc. I just lost my attraction and my feelings somehow somewhere. I am, in fact, completely emotionless and cannot remember the last time I actually wanted to have sex with him.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Ja | 2009-09-17

Anonymous, when your husband asks you if you love him, what do you say?
Please tell me its the truth? That you dont, and therefore also dont want to have sex with him.
At least then he can let go and find a sexy little number or 10 to have sex with in the future.
Men are suckers for punishment and will normally fight for a relationship if there is hope. They will beg and beg for more/better sex, thats to say he still knows you still love him.

Point is, that i can go out tonight(every night) and the chances to have sex with a stranger will be higher than sex with my wife! Hows that?!?!?!?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-15

A guy, have you tried sex or couples therapy? If she is serious about you and your future as a couple, her answer should be a resounding YES.

If you feel that you have tried everything and nothing works anymore, then you really are incompatible. I believe that every person has the right to lived happy, healthy and fulfilled lives on every level. If something is broken and it can' t be fied, cut the ties that bind. And she should accept in good grace as well.

Good luck to you. please know that all women are not like that. Most of us really love sex. And doubly so when the man in our lives are doing the love making - even when bits begin to sag :)

Me, i am happily married to my best friend of 16 years. We are more in love than ever :D

Reply to Woman
Posted by: A guy... | 2009-09-15

I have reasoned this out with her many times before... and on so many different levels and ways it' s actually ridiculous when I think about it. :)

It has sometimes sparked a short lived sex-initiative from her side, but then she just falls back into her old habbit. We' ve now, about 6 weeks back, again had a big fight about this. But in the end we concluded this:

I will back off completely from the subject and let her find her own " boundaries"  to her libido, but I also told her that I would give her a couple of months to prove this to me or else I' m going to call it quits.

I do love her very much and we are to a certain extent best friends... but I want a lover. If she wants to treat me like a friend I' ll be her friend, but don' t say we' re lovers and then keep on treating me like one.

In her defence I must admit she had a very big sex-drive when se were both still studying. Then she started to work a year before me. The long drives and working hard got to her, but I helped by standing up with her, or even before, then start running the bath for her before I begin with making breakfast and lunch for her to take with. (I did this every day for a year.)

Then we moved to a new town and we are both working. I thought my sexdrive would also decrease with the workload, but didn' t. And a year and a bit later I' m now at the point where she has to make a choice: Either she makes an effort or I' ll leave and look for someone who will...

Reply to A guy...
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-09-15

Maybe she is just not that into you, not attracted to you, can' t stand having sex with you? Just one more chore .....

My husband is also one of those who always complain about sex, but the truth is that I dont want to have sex with him.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-15

A guy, I do not take offence, in fact I find it refreshing to debate about something in an adult way.

I must ask you a question, your letter is so rational, so full of misery and your points are strong and well thought out.

Is this how you discuss the problem with your wife? If so and doesn' t respond, have you thought about writing those precise words in a card and sending it to her with a bunch of flowers?

Reply to Woman
Posted by: A guy... | 2009-09-15

I' m sorry woman, but you just proved my point: " It takes work from both parties" .

I do 95% of the cooking, do and help with the cleaning, does most of the dishes, most of the washing, take her shopping, run a bath for her from time to time, give massages, talk to her a lot, buy flowers, ect. (To name but a view things... and that doesn' t even equate to what I know and do in bed.)

WTF is then up if she doesn' t bring the goods to the party? Yes, we both work hard. She does some times work longer hours than me, and sometimes I work more, but I am the main income generator between the two of us due to my line of work. Then why doesn' t she want to have sex if I do all of these things?

What really p**** me off is that she always has enough energy to go drink a cup of coffie with a friend (girl friend) or go shopping even when she is dead tired, but my phisical needs are now where on her " to do list" . What more does a guy need to do to get some sex if we everything you ask and more?!?!?!

I do understand that if we are lazy an do nothing we can' t expect anything... if we do our bit and we still get nothing then whose at fault?

(This is not aimed at you, Woman, but just a let out of my frustration surrounding women in general.)

Reply to A guy...
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-15

It' s so sad that you guys are of that opinion, it shows that despite having sex for years, you still don' t understand women! We always think with our hearts, Have you thought that you may have been more attentive, exciting, loving and caring before you ring, on our fingers?

And any way, sex is a game played by 2 players, if you' re not getting any, maybe you don' t want it enough to work for it?

What I am getting at, is that sex, like finances, school fees, banking charges, date nights, requires everyone doing their bit. I am telling you what we want from a women' s point of view. Whether you like it or not, is of no consequence.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Lady man | 2009-09-15

Yes I agree with JA.

It became a major emotional thing when they ate the wedding cake. But before the wedding they cannot stay away from the BOEREWORS.

Reply to Lady man
Posted by: Ja | 2009-09-15

Woman, ag no stuff that! Rather just go out and pick up a ready-to-go horny babe. You know, like my wife once was.
When does sex become this major emotional thing with you girls? After eating wedding cake?

Reply to Ja
Posted by: a guy... | 2009-09-15

I' ve tried what you said Woman, but f*ck knows it might only work the first time. If she doesn' t want to work on her sex drive it will help just f-oll. I know from hard experience.

So I hope this kickstarts your sexlife again, if it doesn' t... Then I would like to say almost nothing will...

Sorry. (I know the frustration...)

Reply to a guy...
Posted by: Woman | 2009-09-15

Hi Anon, *sigh*, us women, you know sex isn' t as important to us as it is to you guys. And the fact is, the less we have sex, the less we want to have it. As I' ve said before, for women, sex is an emotional thing. We need to feel accepted, protected and adored. Then we feel sexy! I don' t know ho much you two can communicate, but here is my suggestion: Make a dinner for just the two of you. Candles, flowers, a complete surprise! Then you talk to her. Tell her how much you love her, and how sexy you think she is. Tell her that you want to play a little game. You want to challenge her to a week of foreplay. And after the week of foreplay, you will have a huge surprise for her.

The aim of this game, is to get her so horney she can' t help herself. The evening of the dinner, you don' t do anything sexual (because she will expect it, and have her arsenal of excuses ready). Just kiss her and go to sleep. The next night, run her a bath with bubbles, light some candles and after the bath just kiss her all over. The next night, you touch her all over. The night after that you touch and kiss her all over.

It is really important that you don' t have sex with her for a full week, even if she begs you for it.

If she comes up with an excuse, then say to her that you know she has pain and stress, but she should relax, it' s just for her... After a week, you give her a present or something (the surprise). If you can afford it, book into a hotel or a guesthouse for the evening. Then you have sex! After that, just keep it up.

The more she has sex, the more her sexuality will wake. The more she will want to have sex. You will have to open the door though.

Good luck and enjoy the fun and games :)

Reply to Woman

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