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Question
Posted by: Peggy | 2009/02/17

Re: Help Please Urgent Yes or No

I have a major problem and i am trying to deal with inside but it feels like i am going to explode and crack and do something that is not right. You see i have a family right that seems dysfunctional to me but anyway. The story goes like this my parents live with me. I am 28 years old and have got depression to an extent where i am hurting myself. I have slashed my arms open 50 times and yet these people still don' t understand. Right so i have my parents living with me they are aged 60 and 72. Then i still have my grandmother who is 84 who used to live on her own. Until two weeks ago she was put into Vista Clinic because she is hallucinating and seeing people. She screamed the place down where she was living and they have given her notice so therefore she needs to move out by the end of this month. My mom then spoke to me and said that if it would be possible if my grandmother could live with us. I said yes its fine although it was again my decision because the first time i had said no and my mother had uprooted my father at 11 o clock at night and left the house, she then came back after i said that she could bring my granny. So after the Vista Clinic with my gran she came to my house and everything was fine for the weekend up until Monday the 2 of Feb. My grandmother woke up on that Monday morning and said that she wanted to go home because she was sure at some stage that i was going to throw her out of the house. She then continued to swear me and call me a F***** B**** and then also slandered my father with abusive words. I don' t think that i should stand for this behaviour when it is my own house. Anyway we then took her home and came back and my mother promised me that she would never speak to her or whatever. Anyway one day later the phone calls started that somebody was trying to murder my grandmother although there was nobody doing anything to her. So the week went by with these disturbing calls and my mother attending to her every whim and woe. This Sunday that past the 15th my mother went to my granny to try and assist her but obviously you can' t get any old age homes open on a Sunday. I then called my mother and told her that she also has a family and should come home. She eventually arrived at 3pm which in turn became a huge fight between her and me. She pushed and shoved me and tried to choke me because i would not let her mother put her foot in my house again. She then said that she is going to drink all the Z-dorm tablets anyway i managed to hide the pills but then she acted like she was having a fit and fell on the floor and begged my father to take her away. She was fine after a while but said she never wanted to see me again as i was a Sl**, W****, B**** indian lover and the list goes on. (We are white but i date indian guys). She continued to abuse me verbally and i just sat and said only a few words that Her mother would never come into my house again. I also told her that it is fine if she wants to go with her mother. Anyway yesterday my mother was by her mother the entire day. She was looking for old age home as well as movers and all. She called me several times asking how i was and trying to be very sweet this is my mother now. Anyway at the end of the conversation she said she does not have place for my granny where must she put her. I said that there were many hotels and that she can put in one of those yet my mother insisted that she should come to my house. I therefore put my foot down again and i said plain no ways. Anyway my mother never came home yesterday till 7pm but only to fetch my Dad and take my gran to Emperors to book into the hotel whereas she could have booked into a Protea or Town Lodge for the half the price but my mother said the latter hotels were not up to standard for my gran. Anyway my parents left me at 7 and returned this morning at 3am. Last night i drank 3 Z-dorms 3Ci-Lifts 5Miprodols and alot of alchol and i went to sleep. I thought of slitting my wrists so that i don' t have to endure this internal pain anymore but then i changed my mind. This morning i get to work my mother phones me and asks me where is she going to put my granny for tonight. So i said just as she could pay for Emperors R2150.00 for the hotel room she can do it for tonight and the next and the next. So she slammed the phone down on me. I am not going to allow her into my house again to keep on swearing at me and carrying on it is not fair. My mother however did say that she will make my life a living hell.

Sorry for such a long question but is there anybody out there who can help me and tell me what to do perhaps...

| am on the brink of a nervous breakdown..

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu need to see and sincerely work with, a good local shrink. Cutting, though to you is may seem very expressive of your feelings and your despair, is a dreadful way to try to communicate with anyone else, as it frightens them and makes them less willing to pay attention to your distress, not more. <br>YOu can't reasonably be expected to care for a nutty gran without help, and her own wealth should be made available to pay for her care and caregivers --- talk things over with her doctors ( if they are expecting her to be discharged and to live with you, they MUST check out whether you can cope --- and they must consider whether she is mentally capable of dealing with her own financial affairs, or whether they should legally have someone appointed as her guardian to legally manage her finances including paying for what she needs. She sounds unstable, paranoid, and unable to properly understand and respond to her actual situation. And if she is sill paranoid and unstable, she needs better medication, too. <br>Your parents need to be told firmly that your home is yours and if they can't behave properly and respectfully, they must find somewhere else to stay. If she threatens to make your life " a living hell" she does not, herself, belong in your home. Sounds like your mother has a wildly unrealistic view of what "standards" of accomodation your gran needs. The other hotels you mention provide nice and clean accomodation, though I don't know whether any hotel can handle a paranoid and noisy old woman. <br><br><br>

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anyone | 2009/04/24

girl i don t know what you should do

Reply to anyone
Posted by: Shame | 2009/02/17

No way my friend, you do not want to die, you are 28, and obviously a wonderful person for even in the first place trying to help. Somehow you need to go for counselling and help. If possible you should all sit down together and talk and agree on all living together in harmony and as I said before, get help in, she can obviously afford it. I cannot say I understand as I have never been through this, but as old people go, yes they do get cranky etc.... when they get older, just remember we are all also going to get like that one day. If none of the above helps, I suggest you go away for a holiday and then see how they get along without you. Unfortunately you cannot choose your family, but you have to make the best of the one life that you have.

Reply to Shame
Posted by: Peggy | 2009/02/17

Hi Shame,

Thanks for the advice no i don' t have any brothers or sisters or husband. I am alone in this. My gran has plenty of money and it is not as if she is poor. She is a plain old stingy lady. She does not even want to give me money for food when she did live with me. She expected me to provide for 4 people and i can' t do that..
I wish i would die rather.

Reply to Peggy
Posted by: Shame | 2009/02/17

Shame oh Shame - are you alone in this? Do you have no sisters/brothers/ husband / wife - you should not be going through this alone.

My suggestion - I think you all love each other but are all at your wits ends - financially you all need to help each other - instead of booking into hotels etc....., use that money to get a live in nurse that is able to assist you.

Reply to Shame

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