Our expert says:
I continue to be intrigued by what it is that women who have had the courage to leave, still miss about their abuser --- is it the occasional, probably primarily manipulative, nice times ? Or is it a reluctance to face the fact that the nice guy they thought he was, and then dreamed he might become, never was and never will be ? That seems to be what you are describing.
I suspect a system such as you have considered, of calling friends who will remind you why you left, could be sound --- something like AA, in which you can call a sponsor when you are tempted to drink again.
Yes, abusers like to blame you for THEIR ations and choices. And maybe he now respects you more for leavin, and for staying left.
As got your last question, I don't think there is a single universal answer to it.
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