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Question
Posted by: Tired | 2010/06/04

RE: Destructive Parents

I am so tired of life that i wish today my car could be smashed in an accident and that i would die immediately and leave this earth. I am so depressed although i am trying to keep everything at work in tact so that nobody realises. I am 30 years old and my elderly parents live with me. I sold my inheritance so that we could go and live in a nicer suburb so that i would not have to worry about them during the day. We live in an estate with 24 hour security, they have food to eat and the best they have a car to get around with that is filled with petrol and running water and electricity and they are living on an estate. I work half day so that i can look after them in the afternoon not that they are so old my mother is 61 my father 73 but both still mobile but very lazy. My mother complains everyday that she has to clean up and cook and my father complains about him not getting out enough. I travel 100 kilometers to and from work everyday so that is tyring and then i still have to do the shopping and pay all the bills. However when i mention a bit of pleasure for myself like buying a new jacked or something its an issue but they forget that they pay R100 for cigarettes although that comes from my money that i got for my flat i sold. Last night my mother flipped again because i said i needed to get some decorations for work for next weeks soccer kick off and she said yes i spend all the money that is why we are left we nothing.(This however a lie becasue there is a substantial amount of money in the bank still). I phoned her about 5 minutes ago and asked what is up and she very ironically said Oh God its friday again and what difference does it make that its weekend because its the same rig maroll. I said oh well the weekend is time to relax and get some restoration from my side. Look i know my parents talk behind my back when i am not at home because i have caught them when i come home then i silently park my car at the back and i hear how they talking about me but you know what if they can talk about me then they definitely don''t have anything else to do. For the past 8 weeks i have been running up and down to bedfordview to go and see my mothers mother because she was ill and going to my mothers sisters house for lunch and all and i have to sit with 6 over 70 year old people and just listen. I am not allowed to drop them and go do something on my own i have to sit still like a child and not say or do anything and hell i am 30 years old not 5, but yet when elder people are around i get treated like a child i must just help. Last sunday the family was at me and i cooked cleaned and washed all the dishes after 18 people had had lunch, desert and flipping starters. I didn''t sit on my bum from 10 - 7 that evening and then only did i eat something. My mom has really upset me again this weekend and i am just tired of it, why do they depend on me to take them out and do everything i am also a human being that can be tired. I am a self mutilator and i cut myself alot in total i have 152 cuts on my body last night i cut again and am cross with myself but i just want to die and get rid of this life and let them take the money and piss off out of my life. How do i get through this weekend.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

PLEASE, please, get emergency attention for this serious depression - your parents sound awfully ungrateful and lazy, when they could and should do much more to fend for themselves ( did they save properly for their old age, while developing their expensive tastes ? ). Why can't your young mother take the responsibility for helping care for her own mother, and spending time with her ?
Cooking and cleaning up for a greedy family of 18 is ridiculous - dod NONE of the others pull their own weight ?
To leave you feeling awful and cuting yourself ( you know how ultimately unhelpful that is ) is whlly unjustifiable. You talk about letting them "take the money" - is this their money, or yours ? If yours, they don't deserve it.
They need a stern talkling-to reminding them that beggars can't be choosers and their degree of selfishness and ingratitude is unacceptable ; that if they are to live with you and be suppoprted by you, they must abide by your rules and pull their own weight in terms of chores and caring for themselves and their parents and family.
And don't just go into the weekend feeling so desperate - you should be seing a proper shrink for assessment and advice, perhaps through a local casualty dept ; and call Lifeline ( number on this page ) for someone to talk to in the short-term, and for help in finding the additional support you deserve

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/04

PLEASE, please, get emergency attention for this serious depression - your parents sound awfully ungrateful and lazy, when they could and should do much more to fend for themselves ( did they save properly for their old age, while developing their expensive tastes ? ). Why can't your young mother take the responsibility for helping care for her own mother, and spending time with her ?
Cooking and cleaning up for a greedy family of 18 is ridiculous - dod NONE of the others pull their own weight ?
To leave you feeling awful and cuting yourself ( you know how ultimately unhelpful that is ) is whlly unjustifiable. You talk about letting them "take the money" - is this their money, or yours ? If yours, they don't deserve it.
They need a stern talkling-to reminding them that beggars can't be choosers and their degree of selfishness and ingratitude is unacceptable ; that if they are to live with you and be suppoprted by you, they must abide by your rules and pull their own weight in terms of chores and caring for themselves and their parents and family.
And don't just go into the weekend feeling so desperate - you should be seing a proper shrink for assessment and advice, perhaps through a local casualty dept ; and call Lifeline ( number on this page ) for someone to talk to in the short-term, and for help in finding the additional support you deserve

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