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Question
Posted by: Jitters | 2010/06/09

RE: Date tonight

Hi Everybody,

I wonder if you could at all please help me.
Ok well here goes i hope to have some answers before 12:30 today because my nerves are shot.

Ok so i have met a wonderful guy over the internet he looks great he seems great but obviously the proof is in the pudding. He smses me every morning and evening and calls me and makes me feel special. I am greek he is indian. He is older than me but he has brains. I don''t mind interracial dating at all i am very for it... I have dated outside my race before. But the thing is now my parents are very interfering and jealous they live with me. Last night i had a call from my friend and my parents spitefully spoke ontop their voices and my father kept on saying that the Husband has phoned me. I found that so unnecessary. I mean i am 30 years old and they treat me like this. My mother then wanted to know everything after the conversation and i didn''t want to tell her. But the friend did sms me and tell me he sensed i was tense over the phone and i had to explain to him the situation. My mother also said that i would be missing out on a great evening at a Greek restaurant because they are going there and there is music and everything, she asked if i would not rather prefer to go with them. I then replied no as i have this date this evening and i am going no matter what. This morning she tells me the weather is freezing and its going to be very cold this evening and is it wise for me to go out. So i said oh well i will just get dressed warm thats all. she said well then they would also be going out i said well good luck to them then. She said this weekend she wants to go visiting to family and that i have to go with because i am the chauffeur but things might change if everything goes well tonight. I have been single for 4 years and i mean i would also like to get stability and build a family one day i mean my parents lived their life and are still living the good life. They are 62 and 73 respectively. Anyway i am so nervous about tonight as i have a skeleton in the closet and that is that i am being treated for depression and biopolar as well i am a self mutilator and cut myself at any given time if i get cross or if my mom says horrible things. Too date i have 153 cuts on myself the last time i cut myself was on Saturday. The friend asked me that we must be totally honest with each other so that we can perhaps pave our way to happiness. What do i do in this situation do i tell him everything tonight and let him run away or do i keep the skeletons in for a while. I am just so nervous how do i act what do i say things like that. Today i feel as if my head is not here because my parents really mess with my head but i am standing my ground tonight.. Please help and advice would be nice... Should i take anything with for the guy.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You say your parents live with you, rather than saying that you live with them - this implies that it is YOUR home you all live in ? Apart from the fact that they need to respect you as being able to make your own decisions, wise or otherwise, if it is your home, they should respect you for that, too. Similarly, if they need you to be their chauffeur, they should respect that, too.
Now, as to your Skeleton. Depression / Bipolar disorder is common, and is not your fault, so though it can be a problem in some relationships, it's not like some of the really rattly skeletons other people carry with them. The cutting is potentially more of a problem, because it is so difficult for other people ( non-cutters ) to understand how anyone can do that to themselves, let alone that it can seem soothing to someone under the sort of pressures you experience.
I assume you are under treatment for the bipolar disorder, and I hope you are also working with your shrink on the cutting problem, as it is possible and useful to give up this damaging habit.
It is worthwile to base a relationship on honesty, but dumping all your problems on his lap on the first meeting isn't necessary or wise. See how you get along. If in person he is less interesting to you than you expect, there's be no need to procede further. If you like each other, he can at a later meeting provide an example by revealing his own skeletons, at which time you could gradually reveal yours.
Go ou tonight and enjoy yourself, and see whether this guy lives up to who he has seemed to be, so far.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

7
Our users say:
Posted by: Margaret | 2010/11/12

Have been on the tablet for 7 days and still do not feel relaxed

Reply to Margaret
Posted by: Anon | 2010/06/10

stand up for yourself and grow a backbone, you are an adult, act like one, no man is going to be interested in someone like you. Get a life, kick your parents out the house.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Jitters | 2010/06/10

Hi All,

The date went very well and it was thoroughly enjoyed and this guy seems to live up to the expectation. Although he was talking about kids and marriage already i was ok with it because it was coming from his side.....

But all hell broke loose when i got home because my mother was waiting for me and gave me a speech about getting home at 11 o clock on a week night. Imagine..... It was nice of her to sit waiting but i have keys for the house but she insisted on seeing what time i came in. She just spoilt my evening and i landed up in tears went to bed with tears although i didn''t let my mother to see.. She also has a problem with me going out on Friday night again.

Advice please.

Reply to Jitters
Posted by: Jitters date tonight | 2010/06/09

Thanks i will give feedback.

At CYBERshrink i am on medicine like Ci-lift, Stressam,Azor and Zolpidiem all at night but i still have the cutting issue and have not seen a shrink?

Reply to Jitters date tonight
Posted by: Gogo | 2010/06/09

Just give us a feedback tommorrow , i cant wiat

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: Jitters | 2010/06/09

What is with parents that keep interfering? As you say, you are 30 years old! Jeez! Go out tonight and enjoy yourself. As for your skeletons - we all have skeletons. You don''t have to tell your friend tonight about the skeletons - wait and see how the evening goes. But, having said that, I think it is best to be honest from early in a relationship, as it will only lead to trust issues later in the relationship.

All the best!

Reply to Jitters
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/09

You say your parents live with you, rather than saying that you live with them - this implies that it is YOUR home you all live in ? Apart from the fact that they need to respect you as being able to make your own decisions, wise or otherwise, if it is your home, they should respect you for that, too. Similarly, if they need you to be their chauffeur, they should respect that, too.
Now, as to your Skeleton. Depression / Bipolar disorder is common, and is not your fault, so though it can be a problem in some relationships, it's not like some of the really rattly skeletons other people carry with them. The cutting is potentially more of a problem, because it is so difficult for other people ( non-cutters ) to understand how anyone can do that to themselves, let alone that it can seem soothing to someone under the sort of pressures you experience.
I assume you are under treatment for the bipolar disorder, and I hope you are also working with your shrink on the cutting problem, as it is possible and useful to give up this damaging habit.
It is worthwile to base a relationship on honesty, but dumping all your problems on his lap on the first meeting isn't necessary or wise. See how you get along. If in person he is less interesting to you than you expect, there's be no need to procede further. If you like each other, he can at a later meeting provide an example by revealing his own skeletons, at which time you could gradually reveal yours.
Go ou tonight and enjoy yourself, and see whether this guy lives up to who he has seemed to be, so far.

Reply to cybershrink

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