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Question
Posted by: Just me | 2009/11/04

RE: Counselling after 4 years of verbal/emosional abuse

Dear CS

I only gave him the list after our meeting. She asked us both to act better towards each other as neither of us want to get divorced, but my husband went into a silent rage after we had our talk with her. I sometimes feel as though he wants to punish me and drive me '  crazy'  by doing that. That is why I gave him the list?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I;m not sure what you mean here - you gave him the list after the meeting - why ? to punish him ? Did it help to get the problems you listed, solved ? Was he encouraged to voice his own view about what was problemativ in the relationship, or to respond to the list ? IF not, he may well feel he was ambiushed, and may be less keen to open up in the ways you need him to do, if the aims you say you both have, are to be achieved

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just me | 2009/11/05

I hear what you' re saying. At the moment I am feeling empowered for the first time in 4 years. Its a good feeling. I am not sticking my head under a pillow and crying and pleading anymore. I do not feel the need to take a tranquillizer everytime he puts me down. At the same time its a good place to be in, but it also scares me. I have been the one to make amends after every single argument the past few years - it did nothing to change our situation, but my husband lost the ability to say sorry - this is the honest truth. Two weeks ago I decided to stop stooping and creeping around on eggs and thats where the whole situation fell apart. Well, today is the first day with the therapist. Wish us understanding, and the willingness to yield.

Reply to Just me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/04

I;m not sure what you mean here - you gave him the list after the meeting - why ? to punish him ? Did it help to get the problems you listed, solved ? Was he encouraged to voice his own view about what was problemativ in the relationship, or to respond to the list ? IF not, he may well feel he was ambiushed, and may be less keen to open up in the ways you need him to do, if the aims you say you both have, are to be achieved

Reply to cybershrink

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