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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-04-24

Re: Assumptions

Thanks CS!

I thought a bit about this situation.

My friend is bi, came out about a year ago. A couple of years back many people made assumptions about his sexuality, thinking he was gay. He usually got very upset about this, because he was quite the ladies man.

More than a year ago he became close friends with two gay guys. I guess that' s when he discovered his sexuality. And I' m glad that he finally discovered that,a nd I' m glad that he has support in the gay community.

But these friends of his are very superficial beings. Although intelligent and successful, they seem really shallow, the only things that matter to them is how many men they can get, and how many skinny jeans they can buy. They are also very manipulative and backstabbing towards each other.

My friend has (had???) a very strong personality, and I do not want to assume that these friends of his may have an influence on the way he thinks and acts nowadays. I also think that they may see me as a threat, as my friend is a top, they' re both bottoms, and they are constantly competing for his attention. He is oblivious to this though. And they support these assumptions that he makes about me. I guess if I' m a lesbian to them they have nothing to worry about!

I feel that he is losing his sens of identity in discovering his sexuality. He even dresses the same way as them nowadays.

Of course I could just be imagining all of this. :-) But I can' t see how his discovering his sexuality can change his personality.

So, do I let go, or do I try to talk to him about it?

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Our expert says:
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Well, some "friends" ( acquaintances, really ) are indeed very superficial. Not all of us are deep, like you and me !
Maybe he is just now so concentrated on exploring the gay aspect of his nature, he's not bothering, thus far, to be sensible about some of the ordinary aspects of relationships, of whatever complexion.
He may be upset if you talk to him as though he has a problem, but maybe if you talk tactfully about yourself, and how you feel concerned that he seems to be changing, that this makes you feel a bit left ou, and that you worry whether all this is in his own best inetrests, he may at least listen ?

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