Posted by: Tired | 2012-11-13

Re: Affidavit

Hi there. Me again. I posted a while back with regards to loaning my bf 15 thousand.Well after I suggested an affidavit he got angry and then said he didn''t need the money straight away. So the problem went away but is now back. He asked if the offer of the loan was still valid and I said yes. This time I didn''t suggest an affidavit and said a signed letter was fine. He agreed to a signed letter. i then asked the question of whether it would be better to get the letter witnessed. He went nuts again and said he didn''t want other people to know his business and again went on about me not trusting him etc and that I have offended him by suggesting getting the letter witnessed. Am I wrong to have suggested that? He said we are in a relationship and where''s the trust etc. Perhaps I am the one thats wrong here? Perhaps I should just be happy with a signed letter? Perhaps he is right and I don''t trust him? So I''m getting the silent treatment again.

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Our expert says:
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WHy on earth did you give this loser money without insisting on the afidavit ? Lending money to a deadbeat is never a good idea, but doing so without a lawyer's advice is just plain foolish.
You were not wrong to suggest the letter be itnessed, you were wrong to give in so tamely when he threw a hiss-fit. His behaviour very strongly suggests that he does not intend to repay you and doesn't want you to be able to prove he even borrowed the money.
Pretending to be offended is tosh, and insisting you should "trust" him when he is behaving exactly like someone who nobody should trust, is nonsense.
How on earth can you allow this sort of idiot to convinced you YOU are in the wrong ? Do not give him a cent, and if he doesn't like it, suggest he move out and find the money elsewhere. Stop selling yourself so short. You don't have to buy friendship ( or the pretense of friendship).
He is behaving like a spoilt brat and manipulating you. Don't fall for it !
Stop apologising when i is HIM who is doing wrong ! An affidavit shouldn't be a problem for any honest man ; but still, if a bank won't lend him the money there is something seriously wrong with whatever it is he is up to.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012-11-13

I lent a boyfriend R12000 once. We made it all official with the letter stating that he owed me the money and exactly how he had to repay the money. Even signed by witnesses and a commissioner of oaths AND using his car as collateral for the loan. One month later he broke up with me. I never saw a cent of the R12000 afterwards. Couldn''t even legally take the car without jumping through expensive legal hoops which I couldn''t afford.

If you cannot afford to GIVE him the money, then you cannot afford to lend it to him either. He sounds like a REALLY bad financial risk - even worse than my ex-boyfriend and I ended up R12000 out of pocket at a time when I was unemployed!

If he''s so unreasonable as to throw his toys out of the cot just because you want the legalities taken care of, then he''s DEFINITELY going to throw his toys out of the cot when he doesn''t want to make an agreed payment and wants to spend his money on other things instead.

DON''T DO IT - unless you''re really sick and tired of this relationship and want to break up with him.

Good Luck,

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-11-13

AY! He wants you money! He does not want to borrow it!
and now he''s playing you with a guilt trip and you tripped right into it! I would actually dump his-|-because seriously!He wants to borrow money from you but his attitude stinks this bad! He should be kissing you-|-instead of you kissing his!

Worse part of all is, deep down you know all this yet for some reason you allowing it all. Grow some muscle and balls and stand your ground.
If you continue with him, decided : give him the money or dont.
You not getting it back in anycase. If you do get the affidavit done, these still a small chance you might get some back in the end with 1 than without.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Anon | 2012-11-13

Tired, this guys sounds like he''s acting very arrogant and snobbish for someone who wants to borrow money. Maybe that''s all there is to it? He feels somehow ashamed that he must borrow money and doesn''t want anyone to know about it? Either way, he wants to to borrow it and should be humble and thankful that you are willing to help. I''m sure you have told us previously why he can''t take a loan out from a bank? I have probably forgotten, your NOT a walking atm though, he should treat you with more respect for your willingness to lend a hand. Personally, I wouldn''t lend R15k to someone who cannot just get it from a bank? That sounds bad to me and not like it will be coming back to you..
He should be willing to sign an affidavit, if he has every intention of paying you back that shouldn''t be a problem for him. Ask him if he gets that? Because honestly red flags would be waving around for me if someone gets so offended when asked to put down there intentions on a piece of paper so that they can be held accountable as they should.
I would not lend him money, it sounds as though he will just throw excuse after excuse for not paying you back and even come up with reasons why he shouldn''t have to. I mean if he says, ''your my girlfriend you should trust me enough'' what''s stopping him from going ''your my girlfriend, the money shouldn''t matter to you, we spend money on those we love'' later on..

If you do really have R15k to throw away, think carefully, I would rather you waste it on treating yourself or your loved ones or donating it to a worthy cause that simply throwing it away.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Pumla | 2012-11-13

Stick to the Affidavit and make sure that terms of payment are also indicated. Otherwise he must go to the bank or loan sharks.

He''s manipulating you into thinking you''ve offended him and he''s winning, cause you have even apologised. Next you''ll be giving him the money telling him not to worry about paying you back, just to make peace. DONT DO IT.

If he really wants the money for a good cause as Mike says, signing wouldn''t be a problem. The way I see it, he has no intentions of paying you back at all. Trust has go nothing to do with you wanting commitment from him that he''ll pay you back.

Reply to Pumla
Posted by: Mike | 2012-11-13

Good luck! Sounds like you a parent to a spoilt brat. If he really need the money for a genuine cause, im sure he would be a bit more humble in asking. Do you know EXACTLY what he is using the money for? Is it a genuine temporary cash flow issue which can be clearly solved asap, or is this gambling debts, credit card debts, has he borrowed money elsewhere and he is now borrowing from you to pay them back, is he in trouble with the law, or doing underhanded deals. I dont even trust him! From where im standing - and thats from space - it sounds like you parting ways with R15k for good! If you guys break up tomorrow, how will you get the money back? Take him to court....with a letter...who had a witness sign it too...and an affidavit....????? Good luck! The courts have much bigger issues to deal with than girlfriend lending boyfriend some cash and he didnt pay it back. I would want to see receipts, and a clear plan and interest on how he''s going to pay the money back, and what hes using the money for - black and white evidence, and some phone calls. Your letter is trivial in the bigger scheme of things. Good luck - but Id think about it a LOT more. Also - if you can afford to lend and lose R15k, why bother with the letter, but by you wanting some form of commitment to pay it back, sounds like you really cant afford to lose this money. Ask for collateral. he can give you his hi-fi, PC and fridge, until he has paid the money back in full.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Tired | 2012-11-13

This all happened yesterday and this morning I decided to apologise and said I was sorry for offending him and that that wasn''t my intention. He said I offended him on purpose and so hasnt accepted the apology. WTF?

Reply to Tired

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