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Question
Posted by: Ne! | 2009-08-11

Re: abusive relationship

My fiance,did that i went straight to the police seeking some kinda advice on how to stop this, they opened a doc, and took him in. I was so inlove with him to leave him. Therefore i thought this is the best. i dont know if it' s my stupidity, i thought there were gonna warn him or something. well fine cos that did him well, he was jailed for a day. he was given a bail. That affected his criminal record, funny enough though he was angry at me he still went on introducing me to his family, but our relationship is still affected by this he keeps on reminding me he' s not qualified to get another job bcos of what i did, I sense he goes around telling people his life is messed up bcos of that, Our relationship is on the rocks cos i cant take this anymore...

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Our expert says:
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Don't confuse love with infatuation or other bad habits. Abusers do not deserve to be loved. If he is not qualified to get another job, remind him that this is because of what HE did, not because you did what you ought to do when he acts abusively. And I doubt that this actually prevents him from getting another job --- though it's a fine excuse for making you feel guilty enouygh to support him. Why maintain a relationship with an abuser who has the cheek to feel sorry for himself ?

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