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Posted by: sad | 2011/04/18

Re 974 - Broken marriage

Dear CS

Many thanks for your reply. The previous time I brought it up I was very subtle about it, but I think it is time to make a stronger point. He is very skilled and experienced and very expensive (R770 per hour - and that is his discount cash price). I would have appreciated results much quicker. Both my husband and I have issues that needed to be resolved before we could start work on the marriage, so I guess thats his plan. But it still isn''t working. Too be brutally honest, at this stage it feels as though he is biased towards my husband. Should I mention that? My husband thinks that I am the problem as I need a few more single sessions than he does. He was surprised when I told him that it is because of my depression and burnout history that he needs the sessions and not my problems in our marriage. I feel as though I am being forced to accept my predicament with my husband and the way he treats me. Anyhow, I''ll reiterate my experience/perspective with the psych.




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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh,that sounds awfully expensive. I'd be worried that if one was receiving so much from each spouse separately, it'd be a financial loss to actually solve their problems ! It is always a risk in such situations that a therapist may indeed, for various reasons and perhaps without even realizing it, side with one or other. WHen a therapist sees both together, it's more obvious to one or both spouses and harder to ignore.
Where each spouse has personal issues they need to deal with before marriage counselling, it's often better to have separate therapists for that phase, in my experience.
ut a therapist may be unaware either that he MAY be favouring one rather than the other, or that at least he may be giving that impression, so needs to be told so as to take this into account.
Like anyone in therapy, sometimes we just don't conect sufficiently with a therapist, nomatter how skilled, and would be better served seeing someone different, and good and experienced therapists know that this happens and should not feel offended.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/18

Gosh,that sounds awfully expensive. I'd be worried that if one was receiving so much from each spouse separately, it'd be a financial loss to actually solve their problems ! It is always a risk in such situations that a therapist may indeed, for various reasons and perhaps without even realizing it, side with one or other. WHen a therapist sees both together, it's more obvious to one or both spouses and harder to ignore.
Where each spouse has personal issues they need to deal with before marriage counselling, it's often better to have separate therapists for that phase, in my experience.
ut a therapist may be unaware either that he MAY be favouring one rather than the other, or that at least he may be giving that impression, so needs to be told so as to take this into account.
Like anyone in therapy, sometimes we just don't conect sufficiently with a therapist, nomatter how skilled, and would be better served seeing someone different, and good and experienced therapists know that this happens and should not feel offended.

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