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Question
Posted by: JM | 2010-10-06

RE: 962/973

I have the same problem as Anon in regarding my husband seeing and speaking to his ex. The only difference is that she came out as gay after they split up. Despite this I still feel very upset about their communications. I also heard the speak one day, and the intimate bond that was there, is disturbing to me. I did tell him that I am not happy about their relationship, and he promissed to stay away. However, he knew about my feelings beforehand and only did it discreetly. According to him they only spoke because she neede a favour. Am I overreacting since she is gay?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I suppose part of the issue is that a marriage includes intimate bonds, not all of which are automatically ended after a divorce or break-up - and which don't necessarily have to limit what the person can give to his new partner. And it seems quite common for Ex's, especially those who don't yet have a new close partner, to rely on their ex for help in favours and problems.
Apparently this woman has now announced herself as gay ? That may be so, and if so, may help to explain the end of that relationship and may suggest that she is not seeking a new or renewed sexual or close emotional relationship with your husband. What do other readers think ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: jm | 2010-10-06

He told me they only spoke this one time, but I have in the mean time found out that they actually speak on a weekly basis. He told me she always phone him, but I actually know that he phones her too.

Reply to jm
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-10-06

I suppose part of the issue is that a marriage includes intimate bonds, not all of which are automatically ended after a divorce or break-up - and which don't necessarily have to limit what the person can give to his new partner. And it seems quite common for Ex's, especially those who don't yet have a new close partner, to rely on their ex for help in favours and problems.
Apparently this woman has now announced herself as gay ? That may be so, and if so, may help to explain the end of that relationship and may suggest that she is not seeking a new or renewed sexual or close emotional relationship with your husband. What do other readers think ?

Reply to cybershrink

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