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Question
Posted by: heartsore | 2012/03/15

re: 552 - how much compassion

Regarding my post 552, this relationship has being going downhill for the last 3 weeks. I have made every effort to be there for him, be supportive through all his other drama''s (and there have been a few). I could just feel that he was not into me/relationship anymore. So when I found out that his dad was in ICU (real or fake who knows), it questioned my loyalty in this whole thing especially when he wasnt there for me. That is why I asked the question. So for all those people who blasted me about leaving him at his father''s bedside, maybe you need to know the full story before you judge me. Why must I show compassion, when he wasnt there for me???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

ICU places are scarce and expensive - no doctor admits anyone there for fake reasons. His situation and needs are obvious to all readers - it hasnt been clear what comparable awful crisis you were in when "he wasn't there for you".
Don't blame our readers for their responses to exactly what you said - if there are very relevant details they are not taking into account, well, you didn't tell them, did you ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/16

l originally thought she had no emotional intelligence l now believe she may have no intelligece whatsoever.............
After all a man who is not sharing details of his dyng father, or even possibly lying about the whole situation, is obviously not interested in her. l suspect he will welcome whole heartedly being dumped.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Lisa2 | 2012/03/16

Me thinks that too Haha. Trying to act as if someone else has some sympathy for her.

Reply to Lisa2
Posted by: Haha | 2012/03/16

Me thinks Mjhj is actually Heartsore trying to concole herself...Kwaaaaakwest.

Reply to Haha
Posted by: mjhj | 2012/03/15

Heartsore, don''t you get it...your support will be pointless to this guy coz he doent give a crap about you!! just get out of his life and don''t look back. To all the readers that are blasting you, they can go becopme test -crash dummies

Reply to mjhj
Posted by: Zimbabwe | 2012/03/15

heartsore are you not getting tired of this wara wara compassion story?

Reply to Zimbabwe
Posted by: heartsore | 2012/03/15

Hi Liza2 - yes I did all that you said. I asked him what is wrong with his dad - which he was very vague, I asked him if he needed support at the hospital - which he said no, I asked him which hospital his dad was at - which he never gave me the answer to, I showed interest in his life before his dad''s episode, of which he didnt show much interest in my life. How much running after a guy should I do, when it is not reciprocated and when I do show compassion, I get the feeling he would rather not talk about it or have me around.

Reply to heartsore
Posted by: Liza2 | 2012/03/15

Please, I don''t think anyone needs a girlfriend like you in the first place. Have you never considered visiting the hospital, or in the first place enquiring which hospital dad is in? Have you bothered asking him what is wrong with his dad.

In order for people to understand the true reality of it all, you need to give the full story.

Sorry, but I know this relationship is brand new, but after dating someone for 2 months and finding out he had a gravely ill parent, I would show more interest and compassion. I certainly would have tried to learn more of the actual situation. Have you ever asked him which hospital, what is wrong, can i accompany you on a visit, do you need some support.....

How many of you would after going out with someone for 2 mths, still know practically nothing about this person?

And what difficulties were you having to endure these past few weeks?

Reply to Liza2
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2012/03/15

You might not have dumped him but your message is rather insensitive considering his situation. Why would he lie about something so big. To loose a father for anybody is heart wrenching and you cannot focus on anything else. If his father is in an induced coma, he has obviously been sick for a while and a 3 week relationship under such strain will take knocks. I agree with the others that you sound needy. While my father was dying I had a man harass me the whole time because he wanted my attention and I wasn''t giving it to him. My father was in the hospital for 5 weeks of which he could not talk to us or anything. It took a major toll on the family and when a relationship is as new as yours it takes a backseat.
Maybe he was interested in you but after that message, no matter what the attent was, I believe he will not be interested anymore.
As for yourself and your issues, here''s wishing you all the best, work on your neediness.
BT

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: heartsore | 2012/03/15

I never dumped him. I just sent him a message saying that I understand he needs to focus on his dad and I will step out the picture. When he is ready and if still interested, he can give me a call. That is just saying that I will take a backseat while he focuses on his dad. I am putting his needs ahead of mine.

Reply to heartsore
Posted by: Hayi bo | 2012/03/15

Wasn''t there for you when WHAT was happening to you? Are you now claiming that he is lying about his father''s sickness? All the comments that were given were based on the story you told. If you didn''t tell the whole story that''s your problem. Looks like you have made up your mind and you won''t hear anything to the contrary - so go ahead and dump him. And move on to the next guy who will feed your neediness.

Reply to Hayi bo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/15

ICU places are scarce and expensive - no doctor admits anyone there for fake reasons. His situation and needs are obvious to all readers - it hasnt been clear what comparable awful crisis you were in when "he wasn't there for you".
Don't blame our readers for their responses to exactly what you said - if there are very relevant details they are not taking into account, well, you didn't tell them, did you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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