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Question
Posted by: Angry wife | 2012/07/03

Re 521 husband indiscretion

Thank you to those who have send me positive responses. My husband &  had problems prior to his affair like any other normal marriage or relationship, but that did not justify him to have an affair. The woman send me an email to tell me that she was sleeping with my husband &  a couple of months later, he told me about the pregnancy. He asked for forgivenes &  begged me not to leave him. He has showne remorse &  I told him my tems for staying in the marriage. The woman had the nerve to tell us that her baby deserved a structured family &  support, which is ironic bcoz she helped destroyed a structured family for my kids. My kids &  I deserve better &  I am not going to apologies for not accepting the child in our lives.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Do I understand from you, then, that the other woman chose to tell you she was sleeping with him ( which sounds unpelasantly like bragging ) but you didn't discuss this with him or tell him to stop it, before he revealed the pregnancy ? The other woman, of course, has a cheek to insist that her child needs a structured family ( having damaged yours ) - if she actually wanted that, she wouldn't have had an affair, neglecting contraception, with an already married man. You are under no obligation to acept the child into your life or that of your children, though this new child ism utterly innocent ; your jusband is obliged to provide adequate financial support for the child, and such emotional suppoert as benefits the child. I do hope you are, together, seeing a marriage counsellor to guide you both through these difficult times.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ms. Lady Love | 2012/07/05

@ Angry wife.

You are a better person than me. I would have dumbed his sorry @ss!

Reply to Ms. Lady Love
Posted by: Delia | 2012/07/04

Before your husband starts paying maintenance for this child, he must insist on a paternity test - is he sure it is his child? As for allowing the kid into your house, may be a good idea to let him see the child as he may want to visit the child at its mother''s house and you never know what might happen then, they may just pick up where they left off! The baby did not ask to be conceived and it does not help feeling resentful towards it, it simply is not his/her fault that he/she was conceived under these circumstances. If you still love your husband and will be able to forgive him for this one day, why not go for marriage counselling and work it out from there! Being angry and resentful will only make a bad situation even worse. This is also something you need to discuss with your own children, let them decide whether or not they want this child to feature in their lives, don''t force them to accept the child and under no circumstances try to turn them against the child. If it is your husband''s child, it is after all their half brother or sister. Good luck, you have a long and difficult road ahead of you.

Reply to Delia
Posted by: Judy | 2012/07/04

Romany...why give this man the pleasure of leaving him and giving him the freedom to do and screw around as he pleases. For that reason I wouldnt just walk away.

It seems that he is repentant for what he has done, sh!t happens sometimes unfortunately.

As difficult as it may be Angry Wife and husband should keep their family intact, make sure this innocent baby is his, agree on a monthly maintenance amount to pay once the baby is born do this legally of course and get a restraining order against this bitch thats causing so much cr@p in their lives.

As for keeping shtum about all this and being humiliated and embarrassed by his actions - did he think about this while having sex with this women ..... NO of course not! He will have to face up to it. It will be difficult to keep it quite. That other women will probably let everyone know - shes got no shame obviously.

Reply to Judy
Posted by: Angel | 2012/07/04

As a child from a broken home (yes, my father actually left my mother for the woman he was having an affair with), let me tell you that you have a right to be angry at the woman BUT remember that your husband also had a role to play! And to reject the poor innocent baby is wrong! WRONG! The woman is right- the baby DOES have the right to a structured family, but that doesn''t mean that this woman has to be a part of your life! But you as an adult are actually willing to keep a child from being with his/ her father- do you know how selfish that is?

Let me tell you that your husband WILL end up resenting you and the child will have issues that he/ she doesn''t deserve to have. Do you know what it feels like to know that you can''t see your father because his wife doesn''t allow it? Do you know how hurt and rejected you feel to know that, even though you didn''t bring this upon yourself, you are not worthy of seeing your father and your step/ half brothers and sisters because your parents were irresponsible? It SUCKS to know that you are not allowed in your fathers own home because of the wife. It is terrible, it makes you feel like a moron for ever being born. You get depressed because you can''t have a father figure in your life when you need and want him.

And to think that it is all because of one woman''s misdirected angry.

If your husband pays his way in the household he has every right to allow HIS FLESH AND BLOOD into the house and if you have a problem with it rather leave but don''t make an innocent child suffer because of your husband (yes, again your husband had a role to play in this too) and this woman were stupid!!!!! I KNOW you have children that you want to protect, but to keep this child hidden like he/ she is some shameful secret is wrong.

Reply to Angel
Posted by: Liza | 2012/07/04

Accepting the child into your life will help you keep closer tabs on your husband. Rejecting the child means your husband might spend weekends away from home when the child is old enough. Giving him a LOT more chances to stray in future. I''m not saying you need to accept this beatch and have any contact with her in any way. What she did was so morally reprehensible it''s probably going to leave you angry for a long while still. She truly deserves to be sued for trying to steal your husband.

Personally I really feel sorry for this child. He or she didn''t ask to be brought into the world. And to have this kind of person as a mother - how will the child ever learn to have morals and values in life?

It''s just so sad.
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Romany | 2012/07/04

I would SO leave this man.....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: andry wife | 2012/07/04

My husband''s intensions are to be responsible for the child, however, the woman wants and expected more out of the relationship, hence she fell pregnant in the 1st place. He is deservingly embarrassed and humiliated &  wants to keep the child a secret from our friends and church. I have never tried to contact her, bcoz by virtue of her actions she is by all means, self-centered, and has very little fear of consequences of her decisions. My kids &  I don’ t really feature in her plans. I am simply someone on her way. She is more concerned about talking to his family about her and my husband &  thier baby.

Reply to andry wife
Posted by: Judy | 2012/07/04

Women who are willing to have unprotected sex, whether it be with a single or married man, WANT to fall pregnant for their OWN selfish reasons. At the time of copulation there is NO thought of the innocent life that may be conceived. This is the shame of it.
All that these men want to do is to put pipe, thats it. The woman is the one that should be held accountable and take full responsibility for their child.

Angry Wife...how is your husband dealing with this, what are his intentions?

Angry Man...sounds like you have major problems in your f*cking life - go get a decent one!

Reply to Judy
Posted by: XXX | 2012/07/04

As terrible a deed your husband has done,he now has another child who cannot be " penalised"  as he/she is totally innocent in this unfortunate saga.
You are going to have to learn to accept this child as your husband is after all the father.There is no need for you to be in contact with the mother BUT if you want to save your marriage you must learn to accept the innocent child.
At the same time your husband and you will need to do some serious work on your marriage.I pray that you are able to forgive him and learn to at least like the new child.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Angry Man | 2012/07/04

@ Angry Wive

Get a -|- ing life

Reply to Angry Man
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/04

< Angry wife> 
And as much as he may not have been satisfied with the marriage, the least he could have done is put an effort in to talk to you about his needs and afford the both of you an opportunity to improve on something that is lacking and allow the other partner to express their concerns within the marriage.

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: Digital_Sex | 2012/07/04

< Angry wife> 
I do feel your hurt and understand totally. She had the cheek to even speak to you, you do not know her and she means nothing to you. Your husband brought it external affairs into your loving home (especially if the both of you agreed to be in a monogamous marriage). He has to be a man (gosh, this will be hard, lets just say he has to be more responsible for his actions and live with the consequences of his actions) and take care of all his children.
I don’ t think that you have any hate for the unborn child, you are not accepting your husband inviting this external affair into your home knowing that the both of you didn’ t agree on such an arrangement in the first place.

Reply to Digital_Sex
Posted by: Judy | 2012/07/04

Angry Wife, stick to your guns girl! Love your attitude.
Your husband only TOOK her dirty pants off you have every right to SUE her pants off plus everything else till shes standing buck- naked.
These women who have sex with married men must wake up and realise that it is the wife and children of this infidel who decide what her future will be. She has no say whatsoever.

Reply to Judy
Posted by: Hurt Wife | 2012/07/04

You don''t need to apologise for your feelings and decisions.

It really irks me that they want structure and a FAMILY life for THEIR bastard spawn but don''t care that they ruined other children''s homes in the process.

Sue the bitch! For extreme emotional stress and anything else you can!

Reply to Hurt Wife
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/04

Do I understand from you, then, that the other woman chose to tell you she was sleeping with him ( which sounds unpelasantly like bragging ) but you didn't discuss this with him or tell him to stop it, before he revealed the pregnancy ? The other woman, of course, has a cheek to insist that her child needs a structured family ( having damaged yours ) - if she actually wanted that, she wouldn't have had an affair, neglecting contraception, with an already married man. You are under no obligation to acept the child into your life or that of your children, though this new child ism utterly innocent ; your jusband is obliged to provide adequate financial support for the child, and such emotional suppoert as benefits the child. I do hope you are, together, seeing a marriage counsellor to guide you both through these difficult times.

Reply to cybershrink

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