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Question
Posted by: chuck | 2009-01-16

re

my girlfriend and I broke up March last year, we are back together again but living a part, we' ve been seeing each other for the last 10months. Got a friend who has some problems and staying with me, my girlfriend suggested to me that he stay at her complex cause there is a opening. I feel this is such a strange suggestion, she asked me how I would feel about it? I answered that it will feel strange to me having from best friend &  girlfriend in the same complex...would like your feed back in this.

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Our expert says:
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Hi Chuck

Realtionships are complicated as you know and she has her place and you have yours. Is there a connection between your girlfriend and your best friend? Her and him staying in the same complex could just be a place where they both live, but somehow you may feel threatened due to the fact that they will be in one place and you another. They know each other through you and he will be in a new place where he knows no one, so your natural fear is that they will spend time with each other simply because they can.

I am not saying that you are jealous, but there is a healthy type of need to protect people that we love and we will try to ensure that our partners are not exposed to any threat if we can possibly help it.

In any friendship there is a risk that our partners may find one of our friends attractive, and I am not suggesting that this is the case. The world abounds with stories of people "running off" with best friends, we see it in movies, in magazines and books and this has an effect on us.

I guess (and this is only an assumption) that you have a fear of losing both of them to each other and you are left without a girlfriend and a best friend.

Speak to her of you reservations, and speak to him too. Get the cards out on the table.

Mike Lacey-Smith
Life Coach for Men

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