Our expert says:
Hi Lilly, Sorry to hear about this. Odd, isn't it, how people interested in molesting others, often seemm to cluster, or to pick on people who have already been victimized. And sad, too, how many mothers seem to give up, and feel unable to act efectively so as to protect their daughters ( or, indeed, sons ). And early molestation tends to mess up one's relationship with oneself, with sex, and with other people of both sexes. Fortunately, skilled and experienced counselling can help a good deal. You can learn to be aserttive and to say no when this is best --- don't blame yourself for this difficulty --- you were trained not to say no.
And masturbation is natural and normal, and probably, in your experience, the safest form of sex available, and doesn't deprive your husband or anyone else of anything. Nothing whatever to feel bad about. Don't deprive yourself of that comfort. You're not likely to crack, and in fact you have shown considerable strength through a difficult life. And yes, one way o oping has probably to enhance your skills of Denial, of pushing tuings aside and not seeing the ugly aspects of life, where this is possible. But you do, so much, deserve to see a good pychotherapist / counsellor, NOT a church counsellor if possible --- someone with no axes of their own to grind, for support and help to learn even better ways of coping. You will bwecome stronger, happier, and more confidenrt and scure, with the appropiate help
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