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Question
Posted by: Tough Cookie | 2012/09/23

Raped 24 yrs ago

I am a wife &  mother of 3. I was repeatedly raped 24 yrs ago, and have never received any counseling. I''ve suppressed this for ages and lived like it never happened. Until recently when it started to haunt me. I have never really talked about it. I have been asking myself many questions like: why me &  what I could have done to prevent this from happening to me, could the bastards be alive etc. Who can I talk to, where do I start. I need help, please refer me to the relevant person who can help me forget this traumatic past experience, and also be able to stop being paranoid.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi TC,
Unfortunately experiences like this are far too common. Its all too tempting at the time to try to deny the reality of the ugly things that happened, and for a time it often seems to have worked. But like putting a mattress over a smouldering fire, bits of smoke escape from time to time, and then the mattress is inclined to collapse after a while, letting the fire flare up.
WHY ME ? is an irresistable question, even though strictly illogical - its not as if there was a list somewhere of people who were due to be raped, and then one day your name reached to top mof the list ; or that there were any sort of logical reasons why horrible things happen to good people. Sometimes they happen at random ; but we really don't like to think that ; sometimes our niceness leads us into feeling guilty, and somehow responsible for what was always the utter responsibility and "fault" of the perpatrator(s).
WHat's needed isn't so much to forget what happened, but to remove its fangs, to remove its power to disturb you, and to allow it to fade back into your personal history without distorting your present or future.
The person to see would be a skilled psychologist o counsellor, preferably someone with longer experience, and who doesn't exclsuively deal with this particular type of problem, so they will better be able to deal with it broadly and in context. You will, really, be able to process this and put it behind you, as you so much deserve to be able to do

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Tough Cookie | 2012/10/03

Hi Doc, Thanks for the positive response. Are you able to reccommend such psychologist who is working in Johannesburg preferably JHB South, if any. This will be very much appreciated.

Reply to Tough Cookie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/09/23

Hi TC,
Unfortunately experiences like this are far too common. Its all too tempting at the time to try to deny the reality of the ugly things that happened, and for a time it often seems to have worked. But like putting a mattress over a smouldering fire, bits of smoke escape from time to time, and then the mattress is inclined to collapse after a while, letting the fire flare up.
WHY ME ? is an irresistable question, even though strictly illogical - its not as if there was a list somewhere of people who were due to be raped, and then one day your name reached to top mof the list ; or that there were any sort of logical reasons why horrible things happen to good people. Sometimes they happen at random ; but we really don't like to think that ; sometimes our niceness leads us into feeling guilty, and somehow responsible for what was always the utter responsibility and "fault" of the perpatrator(s).
WHat's needed isn't so much to forget what happened, but to remove its fangs, to remove its power to disturb you, and to allow it to fade back into your personal history without distorting your present or future.
The person to see would be a skilled psychologist o counsellor, preferably someone with longer experience, and who doesn't exclsuively deal with this particular type of problem, so they will better be able to deal with it broadly and in context. You will, really, be able to process this and put it behind you, as you so much deserve to be able to do

Reply to cybershrink

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