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Question
Posted by: What to do | 2011/10/26

RAPE

My dh and me have been through a bit in our marraige already. Unplanned child, Breast cancer with a not so cool mastectomy and reconstruction. He takes these things very hard, go all silent even though the says " there is nothing wrong"  then after a while, the sex life comes back again etc. Well the issue is now, I was raped.

The details are not important, just that I never thought something like that can happen to me, as i am quite street smart and alert. I am keeping it to myself and will probably carry on doing so as I do not know who did it, the guy used a condom and my put a thing over my eyes, so going to the cops will not get any justice to the purp.

I am coping, worse things have happened to me when I was a child. The thing is, I do not think my dh will be able to handle this as well, you know, the thought of another man.... I love him so dearly and the thought of loosing him is just too much to bear. Do you think I am making a mistake by keeping it from him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

before even consulting him about the rape, you need to go to a trauma/rape counselor/ therapist/psychologist.

Once you have been able to seek therapy, you can approach the subject with your dh under the guidance of your therapist. Going to the cops may not give you justice but going to a therapist will help heal the wounds.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: marisa | 2011/10/31

I was also raped when I was 22.I''m 33 now.I''m white,a black man did it.I know you feel you want to keep it to yourself,because what will people think of you.(Right?)But this will tear you apart.Talk to someone.Like doc said.Go see someone.The bad news is,you have to tell your hubby.Just remember he love you and he won''t think less of you.I also worried what must my husband think,I had sex with another man.It wasn''t like that,it was just hard for him,because I had to go through that.
But you know what,that sex was forced on you,you didn''t say yes to it.(we can''t call it sex,rather a torture)He won''t think that.What I''m afraid for you is,he can feel that''s something wrong,what if he thinks your acting different because your maybe seeing someone else.If you don''t tell him something this important you may damage your marriage.
A thing like this stays with you for a very long time.You maybe don''t think of it often,but you''ll never forget.Even for me after 10 yrs,I struggle to watch something with rape in,I even struggle to talk about rape in general.It gives me sadness to talk about it.
Good Luck to You and your Hubby
From a co-Rape VICTIM

Reply to marisa
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/10/27

before even consulting him about the rape, you need to go to a trauma/rape counselor/ therapist/psychologist.

Once you have been able to seek therapy, you can approach the subject with your dh under the guidance of your therapist. Going to the cops may not give you justice but going to a therapist will help heal the wounds.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: sss | 2011/10/26

hey there

i know what you mean, a child hood for me was hell. a monster lurks in my past and i eventualy met someone and i had very bad issues but after telling him and slowly working through it with him we are now married and happy. What im trying to say is that you have stood by him through all of these emotional times i feel that you should be able to tell him about this. Its not a small issue and he should be able to offer you his shoulder and comfort you.

Reply to sss
Posted by: XXX | 2011/10/26

I personally think the person that raped you should be charged and tried in a court of law!

Reply to XXX
Posted by: What to do | 2011/10/26

It happened recently. Thus after we were married.

Reply to What to do
Posted by: Nonni | 2011/10/26

Gosh, and the rest of us think we have problems.....

Did the rape happen before or after you were married. A secret is just as bad as a lie, but, I do appreciate that you are trying to protect him here for what it''s worth, but it it was before you were married, you should have told him already about this.

The question is which is the worst of two evils? Keeping it from him and he finds out and shuts down,or telling him and he shuts down.

Have you talked this over with a therapist? I really dont know what to tell you. I am not in favour of keeping things from those we love, but neither do I like the thought of adding more burdens to an already over burdened man. It''s a really tough one you should talk over with a therapist.

Reply to Nonni

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