Posted by: Justme | 2009-01-26


Dear Cybershrink,

Among all these experts i werent sure who to ask this question, so since im also into psychology i decded to ask you.

i need advice on how to pull this through:

I am in my final (third) year studying B.Sc Pschycology and nutrition. I want to study further to reach masters degree in order to register as clinical psychologist.

My boyfriend wants to emigrate a.s.a.p and i want to go with him. Ive had my heart broken in the past when a 3year long relationship ended because the guy went overseas. I can see a future with the guy im with now and im not going to let that go if i can help it. He asked me to go with him and study my honours degree part-time through unisa while working and im quite happpy doing so.

Other than wanting to protect the relationship, i really want to be my own person and be autonomous... something i think will be difficult ,but i need and want it.

I want to make my own money, i don' t want to sit around a 24 year old under my manipulative mother' s roof. My parents are divorced ,my dad married again but my mom didn' t/ She doesnt have any friends and shes very clingy. She gets extremely hostile when i don' t see things as she does and although she keeps insisting im just like her, she doesnt respect what i want and ignores the fact that i do not want and think and see things as she does. I love her, but it is driving me crazy and i want out of this unhealthy enviroment.

I need somebody to help me to pull my plan to go overseas (America)through. Even if you could refer me to somebody who knows how to do the whole getting work and emigrating thing. I am unsure if i am capable and scared of not just doing things the usual mundane way that my parents of whom im very dependent on for any money does it(get degree, honours, masters, work, live under mummy' s roof again until married). I want something else for my life than my parents, but have conditional support only if i do it their way.

In other words, it is me on my own.

There' s questions in my head that i don' t know how or where to get answers from. These questions are:

-How much money will i have to save up in order to go to america and live for at least the 1st month ??

-How do i get into au pairing in america? (i thought that would be a good job choice untill im finished with studies)

-Any other job ideas that i can try in order to al least get time to study too? (im quite bright, i study quick and easily)

-How do i get a passport and other practical things

-How do i emotionally prepare myself to be the adult i want to be? (one who can do her own things and choose her own life without being rejected for it?)

-Any other tips on how i can make this relationship work (even if it takes work from both sides...what can i do)

-Other things i should think of regarding work and going overseas.

Another pain in the-|-is the fact that i have a student loan which i must pay off as soon as im finished studying. Im hoping that it won' t stop me from going overseas and that it wont be a concern untill i can do what i regard as my ' real'  job (clinical psychologist). Any advice there?

Financially this is what i get: R1000 a month from dad and R1000 from mom. I dont pay rent or electricity ,but have to buy my own food and toiletries and petrol. Ive worked out hat i can save R500 pushing it to R600 a month if i work really well with my money.

The student loan is from ABSA and it is about R55 000 (ouch).

Please, can you help me in suggesting what to do and how?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm no longer up to date about the emigrating / qualifying abroad scene, but there must be people who can advise you, and check on google, I think some specifically offer advioce on just these themes, How much it'll cost to live in America varies on where you're going, and on whether you have friends or family who can help out, or not. The rules of your student loan are probably specific, and will need to be clarified with the lender. There are agencies that specialize in arranging au pair jobs --- seek them out

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Justme again | 2009-01-26

PS. im going to have a bachelors degree in B.Sc psychology and nutrition by the time i go overseas and we' re looking at a time spectrum of a year or even two. In other words i have round about 11 to 20 months to prepare for going overseas...

Reply to Justme again

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