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Question
Posted by: mikey | 2010/03/04

R these symptoms

thanks for your help. I am not sure if my 40 yr old husband is having a mid life crisis or not? these are the symptoms:
prefers to spend very little time with wife and small kids
has never been on boys nites out before but now goes or so he says at least 3-4 times during week nites
stubborn
wants to buy a motorbike (although this has been coming for at least 5 yrs)
Selfish and only thinks of his own needs whereas before was not the case
seems confused and lost
allows his work to stress him to breaking point

Could above be direct result from work related stress or is it a MLC and if it is do these people come out of it and how long do i need to sit in the backdrops waiting for him to smell the coffee? or can i assume that i must move on with my life esp since i believe there could be an affair?

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

The first thing that's not clear from your message i a very important aspect of this - are you describing how he has always been, or a major recent change in his behaviors ? I"m guessing it's probably the latter.
It could be in part arising from work-related stress, but this is not the usual way men react to that. IT could be the influence of others at work, maybe younger guys with much less responsibility, and he sadly feels he needs to keep up with them.
I don't know what other reasons you may have noticed for suspecting an afair, but the overall picture doesn't really sound like it - a mistress would be even more upset by those Boys Nights Out, and highly unlikely to be attracted by a motorbike ! He could probably do with some counselling sessions, but unlikely to recognize this. Presumably you've tried the calm chat about your concerns to see if he notices anything odd about his changed behaviour ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/04

The first thing that's not clear from your message i a very important aspect of this - are you describing how he has always been, or a major recent change in his behaviors ? I"m guessing it's probably the latter.
It could be in part arising from work-related stress, but this is not the usual way men react to that. IT could be the influence of others at work, maybe younger guys with much less responsibility, and he sadly feels he needs to keep up with them.
I don't know what other reasons you may have noticed for suspecting an afair, but the overall picture doesn't really sound like it - a mistress would be even more upset by those Boys Nights Out, and highly unlikely to be attracted by a motorbike ! He could probably do with some counselling sessions, but unlikely to recognize this. Presumably you've tried the calm chat about your concerns to see if he notices anything odd about his changed behaviour ?

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