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Question
Posted by: Zeta | 2010/04/27

&quot needing"  porn at 40?

My partner of many years seems to have discovered the joys of internet porn. First in secret, now openly. Downloading tonnes of videos. He is so used to the instant excitement of porn, "  normal"  sex with me is no longer satisfying for him. I feel like a piece of meat being moved around. I might as well be a blowup doll!! I asked him and he said from the moment he watches porn to ejaculation is about 10 to 15 minutes, now with me it is about 40 minutes or longer...and a struggle at that. Its almost as if he now needs it to get excited...like a drug or something. I feel cheated. He refuses to cool down with the porn. Personally i feel offended by porn, but his "  private"  business is slowly making me obsolete... He has made it clear that I must back off about his "  hobby"  so he is willing to protect it at my cost. When i refuse sex and tell him to cozy up to his computer screen he becomes aggressive and takes it out on the children, with denials all round the next day. Is it true that he can become addicted to porn and permenantly ruin finding sex with a real live person satisfying?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageAgeing and Sexuality expert

I am sorry for the damage this is bringing to you and your marriage. Porn is indeed addictive to men who have an addictive personality - perhaps your man smokes, gambles, drinks too much, overspends, takes too may pills etc. Men enjoy new stimulation , for sure, at all ages. And perhaps when he discovered porn on the internet, like any new toy, it was enthralling. But the thrall should disappear. Mostly there should be a respectfulness to you, his marriage and himself.
And his present behaviour is not honouring of you, his marriage or himself.
The first place of healing has to happen with your husband admitting that he has a problem, he has to see that it hurts you and this should be motivation enough for him to control this behaviour.
I suggest counselling as this is too big for the two of you to manage on your own.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: anne | 2010/07/27

try enjoying it with him..even as a woman you might get turned on. Get an erotic dvd, relax.. enjoy it!! who know where you will end up.. mmm

Reply to anne
Posted by: Oldster | 2010/05/03

I''m not really sure if the age of 40 is an age where porn suddenly becomes interesting. Men are very visual when it comes to women and its important for him to be aroused by visual things, hence the popularity of strip shows. Likewise show me the guy who will not have a good look at an exposed thigh or cleavage. Men are just made like that. I often think that women do not fully appreciate this and maybe your man needs for you to stimulate him visually. Ask him if this is what he would like and then do it in whichever way you feel comfortable

Reply to Oldster
Posted by: samoa | 2010/04/29

Hi... it seems like hubby discoverd a new plaything, but one that can cause great harm to ur relationship,porn is realy like a drug, it start of , out of curiosity,than boem you ask how did i get here. its liike a spiderweb waiting fr the prey, only when the prey realise its in a trap it want to get out but then its late.see if you can talk him into getting some counselling.porn alway grow into helping self, wich mean masterbation. so i wld say yes it is.

Reply to samoa

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