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Question
Posted by: CP Mom | 2008/10/21

&quot IF"  God gave me....

this disabled child WHY did he not give me the patience and understanding to cope with her?

People say one day you will go to heaven for raising this child, what FLIPPEN choice did / do i have!!!!!!!

Hi CS

The support group was great, I did learn alot and i met an OT that i want Ne to go to - she can accomodate her next year.

This morning fighting....its getting out of hand....so if supposidly her behaviour is due to her disability then WHY after I gave her ' n moerse klap this morning was she able to get dress? wash her face? get her shoes? pack her lunch in her bag ??????

I' ll tell you why because she is full of Shit!

Nothing and I mean nothing wants to work with this child....She gets up, shes happy she drinks her tea and and and then the moment she walks to her cupboard to get clothes I say NO you must put school clothes the shit starts!

She' d be the happiest child in the world if she can just stay at home with the care giver ....but i cannot do that SHE MUST go to school or must she ???

I' ve made an appointment to see the headmistress at school on thursday maybe they can help or suggest....I feel like putting her in a home today!

Thanks CS

Love Mom

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Actually, you have been reasonably patient, and have, by and large, coped. You had a choice before you took on this committment, then no really valid choice to evade what you had chosen. Things like getting dressed she CAN do, in terms of physical capacities, but she may not always CHOOSE to do them --- there's that element of volition. And maybe in a way she is echoing the battles ordinary parents experience with a younger child, of asserting herself and her sense of power, by being oppositional and saying "No". It often helps to anticipate the battle, and shift the issue --- in other words shift from "Get dressed !" "No !" -- to are you going to wear the red dress or the green dress ? I like the red one" --- then she can oppose you and choose the green one, but the argument has become about colour of dress and not whether or not to get dressed. Argue about WHICH school clothes to wear, not whether. And keep up fulsome praise for everything she does right, to keep it more rewarding to her to do what she can dio right, than to enjoy opposing you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2008/10/22

the last time you posted about this exact same issue, I replied and said, God is in control and knows what He is doing. " what FLIPPEN choice did/do I have"  is what you say above... please be carefull with the hostility towards God.... I lost a child a few years ago, and believe me, the pain of that is much worse that dealing with a blessing from above. thank God for what you have there are millions of people out there who would give their lives for a child.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Debbie | 2008/10/22

For years and years I have objected to the self-pity postings made by Seedy Mom. I was always told - " If you don' t like it, don' t read it" . I object to this, as it allows a part of the play ground to be for certain people only but eventually I got tired of the self-pity and I have not read a Seedy Mom posting for 2 years now. Today, out of idle curiosity, I thought I would see if things had changed. They had - she has now taken to beating a defenseless, disabled child. Way to go, Mom!!! Give the poor child another klap!!! You have been complaining incessantly about how hard it is for you, how useless the helpers are, how lousy the government is and, wonders, nothing has changed. Give the child up, you do not have the right stuff to raise her. You thought you were adopting a normal child and, as it turned out, the poor little child is disabled so don' t make-believe that you knew from the outset. You have been eye-brow deep in self-pity ever since. Give the child to someone who CAN, who WILL, do what needs to be done without your incessant whining and crying and complaining. Its sickening. So now you have resorted to abusing the innocent child and YOU have the nerve to look for pity? I wish the child welfare could be aware that this poor disabled child is being physically abused by someone who gave up years ago. Shame on you, shame on your cowardice for not wanting to admit what has been obvious for years, shame on you that you want pity for yourself. Shame on you.

Reply to Debbie
Posted by: Me | 2008/10/21

CP Mom I hear you. I think what you are describing are problems us mothers of so called ' normally abled children'  also have to deal with. I have been there, the fighting over getting ready every morning. Every morning is a war and some days I just gave up. This was with my son' s then 6year old son. It was all about asserting themselves, disagreeing just for the fact that they can. How powerless does a mother feel when she is beaten by a kid that says NO! its really quite amazing the will they have in them!
I now have a 2 year old boy and it has started with him already! Some mornings... sigh... :-)
I may not know much about CP but I do agree with CS on this, that anticipate what will happen and then you can deal with it better. Give them options - And although damn i know its hard, keep your cool and show them you are in charge. Make light of the things that have to be done rather than stress out.
I wouldnt know about your situation too much. I dont know whether she needs to go to school or not. All Im saying is I think some of these things and behaviours sound like a normal thing all kids go through. all the best

Reply to Me
Posted by: lady nina | 2008/10/21

hi girl

ek kan jou frustrasie hoor .... glo my jy het ten minste a verskoning, my tieners maak my gek en tussen die drie van ons gelukkkig as 2 uit 3 darem beskaaft is

nee wat ne is seker maar net n tiener met al hulle streke

sterkte

nina

Reply to lady nina

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