Posted by: Visitor | 2012-12-12

Question please


there is this person i call a friend (male), we work for the same company but different unit, well known, well behave, respectful . I got to know this guy better when i needed help and we''''ve been friends for about 5 years now. The thing is this guy spoils me to the extend that i feel bad at times, although its not as often its anything from buying me stuff for the house (e.g food and grocery stuff), gifts (really nice expensive gifts), taking me out &  replacing my car tyres. everytime he travels somewhere locally or internationally he brings me a gift. Now the interesting part is there is absolutely nothing happening between us except friendship, not a kiss, not a wink, just a hug when we separate.

In the 5 years that i have known him, whether talking on the phone or via text or meetings, has he never said anything suggesting he wants more, and we talk about anything, from relationships, life, politics, general etc or behaved in any manner that suggest there is anything else other than friendship. The only thing he told me is that i am special and he enjoys my company, though we don''''t meet as often as he travels a lot. I have dated a number of men to really pick up if a man wants more or not, but with this guy i can''''t see that.(not that i want a relationship with him)

I have never bought or gifted him anything, i want to but everytime i think about it questions come to mind.
1. will the friendship change if i get him something. i don''''t want to give him anything that will suggest othrwise
2. the guy has got everything, what do i get him
3. is there more to him spoiling me like this, if so why is he not saying anything.
4. should i reject or continue to take the gifts he gives me.

If you can help, please do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

From your description, his gifts go well beyond the occasional small, pleasant gift between friends - when they include car tyres, we're talking about substantial money ! Yet you say he is apparently not expecting, and not getting anything untoward from you in terms of intimacy and love. As you descibe it, his behaviour has been entirely proper and well-mannered.
Lets see what other readers have to say here.
I'd think it worthwhile for you to have a calm chat with him, commenting that you feel a bit uneasy about accepting so many gifts from him, especially as it wouldn't be easy for you to reciprocate, and that you're not sure or clear just what this relationship is, and what he may be expecting or hoping for.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Deeve | 2012-12-13

Financially comfortable Gay fellow with a lovely female friend to spoil........??? You never know! :-)

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Visitor | 2012-12-13

Thanks Doc, Kelly

I also never believe that a man and a woman can be just friend, cause i''ve had male friends who ended up wanting more. and this is the first time i befriend someone so long without showing or making a move, which is why its so difficult to believe.

though he is a real gentlemen and i am single with a list of bad/broken relationship. I feel i would like it if its not in his thinking to go further, i would not like that. but i would also like to cut down on receiving the gifts. so maybe you are right a chat with him will be better, because in most cases those gifts comes unexpected, like with my car tyres. We met at work, he saw two of my tyres are worn out and he just told me its unsafe and asked me to meet him at the tyre company, trying to make excuses to get out did not really yield any fruits.

I will really have to open up that discussion as i m starting to be uncomfortable with all the gifts.

Reply to Visitor
Posted by: Kelly | 2012-12-12

Rather nice, I''ve always maintained that men and women can never really be just friends. Well yes they can but not going out, always chatting as in a friendship with your girlfriends. Men always tend to want more in the end or end up confessing this to be the case. Your friend however does sound like he just really likes you as a friend and just has more money than he knows what to do with it and perhaps it makes him happy giving you nice things... He might not have anyone else in his life that he can spoil.

I think that perhaps you should get him something nice every now and again even if you think he has everything or do nice things for him. Even perhaps surprise him with lunch or desert etc

I would also have a chat with him and find out what his thoughts are. It sounds as though, if he were interested in you like that you would be interested too... even though you say this is not the case. You guys have been friends for 5 years so I doubt this little chat could ruin anything you have but it would give both of you peace of mind. He sounds like a really nice guy and honestly I wouldn’ t feel right being on the receiving end all the time.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-12-12

I think you may have posted this question twice, as I have just replied to it.

Reply to cybershrink

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