Posted by: lolly | 2013-01-09


please help me and please dont judge me. ive been in a relationship with a married man for three months, from the start i wasnt kean on having the affair with him cause i felt it was wrong. he kept on telling me that he loves me and that he want to build a future with me. His wife is deaf and his got two small boys, his wife doesnt have an income and is a housewife. i had troubles before with a relationship with a man and he helped me though it is seeing that he is an industrial phycologist. As the relationship progressed he got vere jealous and possesive and hacked mY facebook to see what men i am chatting to. But above all that i fell in love with the man, he told me everything i want to hear, i was vonrable and he saw it cause i was sore about my previous relatiionship that didnt work out. he dont just ended it cause he aparently thinks i have to many male friends. I feel so cheated on, he knew how i felt about all of this, i am mad now , i gave everything to this person. he is now back with his wife like nothing ever happend i have to deal with the broken heart. i have evidence that can destroy his marriage i dont want to do it but i feel like it, i just need peace in my heart and like to know how to deal with my anger. please help me!!!

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Our expert says:
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I understand your plea, but please recognize that when anyone feels the need to plead not to be judged, it strongly suggests that they already recognize both that they will, and probably ought to, be judged as having done something that was pretty-well destined to end unhapilly.
Affairs with married people are not only "wrong" in a general moral sense ( and always infl;ict undeserved harm and hurt on innocent others ) but they gardly ever work out more than briefly happy for the primary participants.
It is inevitably true that a maried man prepared to cheat his wife by having an afair with you, will be entirely prepared to chat you as well. Expecting a happy relationship with such a person is like inviting a paedophile to be a babysitter, and expecting happy results.
NEVER ever forget that someone who wants free sex with you will tell you what you want to hear -filter anything he says or does through that fact.
And what you describe sounds pretty typical, that while considering himself free to have as many relationships as he wanted, he didn't want you to have anyone but himself.
The other law of nature your story confirms is that however sore you feel when a relationship ends badly, don't rush into another relationship in an attempt to feel better - it just adds to the misery.
Sadly, he probably wont be "back with his wife" ( whatever that actually means ) for long.
But dont give in to the temptation to act vindictively. This will hurt her more ( and she doesn't deserve that ) and will be MUCH less satisfying to you in reality than it may seem when thinking about it. It will not end your anger or bring you peace.
Rather see a good local counsellor to work through this, and also to focus on your low self-esteem.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: lorraine | 2013-01-09

ek neem aan die mense wat hier oordeel is sondeloos. Julle is werklik geseen want Jesus het vir die mense gese toe hulle die prostituut wou stenig, die een wat sonder sonde is kan die eerste klip gooi. !!!!

Reply to lorraine
Posted by: Liza | 2013-01-09

Everyone makes mistakes. What matters is whether you learned anything from it. When you walk away from this, will you ever have an affair with a married man again? Even if he flatters you and makes nice promises?

Go see a psychologist to help you improve your self-esteem, self-respect and assertiveness. A boyfriend isn''t there to be your private psychologist. It causes dependency and once partners are on an unequal footing, the relationship hardly ever recovers from it.

You must also be very young to feel such an urgent need for revenge in a situation of your own making (and after a relationship of such short duration). You share responsibility with this cheater. If you take your revenge, it will directly impact on his wife and innocent children. Do you want to ruin their lives as well?

Decide what kind of person you want to be and then live it.

Good Luck,

Reply to Liza
Posted by: mARRIED WOMAN | 2013-01-09

Sista get a were with this guy for 3 months not 3 decades...Get a life and GET YOUR OWN MAN YES I AM JUDGING YOU..SKANK..

Posted by: Phil | 2013-01-09

You can do nothing about the past  so let it be. However  you can do the right things in the future  it is in your hands.
You were alos wrong  so leave the revenge. It will make you feel worse and like a bad person. Karma will sort this guy out  there is a price to pay for what he has done.
Maybe your pain right now is your price that you are apying right now for making the wrong decisions.
So  put the past to bed. Learn from it  and do the right things going forward. You will see  if you look froward and byrry the past you will start feeling better.

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Maria | 2013-01-09

Lolly you knew what you were getting into - a relationship with a man who is willing to cheat on his wife, and would therefore think nothing of cheating on you as well. I suggest you channel your energy into going to gym, volunteering, painting your house - whatever gets you busy with something useful so that you can stop focusing on him. It''s time to move on.

Reply to Maria

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