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Question
Posted by: Concerned | 2012/03/09

Question

I am just wondering and need to know whether I am over reacting. When hubby buys gifts for a female househelp should he hand them over to wifey to give the help or he can give the gifts directly?? I am just getting a little concerned considering that on the particular day he bought the help a gift (fabric), he did not buy me or the kids anything, and he only told me about it days after he had given her the gift. The help has never ever mentioned it to me either. I only heard it from hubby and much later.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I must confess to cringing when I hear a grown woman refer to herself as "wifey" and similar infantilising terms. Why on earth shouldn't your husband have decided to be kind and generous towards a woman who helps in your home ? And why on earth should he have pretended it was you who was being kind ? Why on earth should he have bought anything for you and the kids at the same time ? What on earth makes you think you deserved any gift ?
You sound greedy, mercenary, and selfish, and I hope you are not teaching your kids these ugly expectations from the world.
If, as you suggest, he previously had a serious involvement with a house-servant, that suggests a basiuc problem in your relartionship, and you should seek marriage counselling together. If he were buying her cloth to keep her silent about any affair with her, why on earth would he have mentioned it to you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Concerned | 2012/03/12

immature, rude, selfish, petty....whatever!! that''s your take. you do not have all the facts so I don''t know what makes you think you can pass out such judgement. I am very aware of the importance of my domestic helps and I have lived with this one for 4 years now, if I was maltreating her I doubt that she would be around. My work entails a lot of travel and I always come back with gifts for all in the family including ALL the helps. Megs you are so judgmental and self righteous I am sure you are nothing close to what you are trying to portray coz if your were you would not be so judgmental, and even without knowing the full facts and yes I maintain this column has become irrelevant considering the twisted responses.

Reply to Concerned
Posted by: Megs | 2012/03/10

So on top of being immature, you are rude to a person who YOU asked for advice. Your answer to CS is shocking. Why don''t you ask your husband then????? If you do not mention all the facts first time round, what kind of answer are you expecting? You DO sound selfish and petty in your original post. Domestic workers are hard workers and are often under appreciated and if your husband choses to give a gift, that is not some sort of sign. Gosh woman get a grip. If you are so insecure do the housework yourself.

Reply to Megs
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/09

So if you get gifts you will turn a blind eye about your hubbys relationship with the maid...........

CS has got you sussed!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Concerned | 2012/03/09

who said that he should pretend?? I only expect that he should let me be the one to hand over the gifts, so the girls so not think that he may be trying to buy favors and yes I deserve a gift, my whole family deserves gifts. What kind of family do you come from where some people are bought stuff and some not!! we buy gifts for all save for on birthdays.
You say I sound greedy, mercenary, and selfish, and hope I am not teaching my kids these ugly expectations from the world. Who appointed you judge over people''s characters??
You are so self righteous, and so sound bitter and full of hate. you are such an ass-wipe I too hope to God that you are not teaching your children such traits. your column is becoming irrelevant considering your twisted responses!! cringe how much you want, until you get wrinkles!!

Reply to Concerned
Posted by: simple | 2012/03/09

Don''t hire young and f*ckable helpers. Just hire very old bt healthy women otherwise he will kip screwing the young ones, I would too

Reply to simple
Posted by: koko | 2012/03/09

He want her punai finish and klaar

Reply to koko
Posted by: Seriously | 2012/03/09

Ok sounds like you have cause for concern. Maybe your husband needs help to sort out his issues he has with your domestics. Sounds to me like he was buying your previous domestic gifts either for her silence or for favours.

Reply to Seriously
Posted by: Concerned | 2012/03/09

thanks for your response. Yes, I have reason. I used to live in a different town before and something went down between him and the househelp he had employed at that time. Naturally I was upset, we had a very bitter quarrel and he even asked me what my problem was, I quote " what''s your problem? isn''t she a woman like you"  doesn''t she have a -|- like you?. The help I have now would never ask him to buy her anything rather she always asks me.

Reply to Concerned
Posted by: Seriously | 2012/03/09

It sounds a bit like you are over-reacting! Did your ''househelp'' not maybe ask him to buy her fabric? Why does he have to buy you and your kids something because he bought something for someone else? You are maybe seeing something that is not there? Maybe he knew you would react this way and that is why neither he nor you ''househelp'' bothered to mention it to you. Do you have reason to be suspicious or concerned?

Reply to Seriously
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/09

I must confess to cringing when I hear a grown woman refer to herself as "wifey" and similar infantilising terms. Why on earth shouldn't your husband have decided to be kind and generous towards a woman who helps in your home ? And why on earth should he have pretended it was you who was being kind ? Why on earth should he have bought anything for you and the kids at the same time ? What on earth makes you think you deserved any gift ?
You sound greedy, mercenary, and selfish, and I hope you are not teaching your kids these ugly expectations from the world.
If, as you suggest, he previously had a serious involvement with a house-servant, that suggests a basiuc problem in your relartionship, and you should seek marriage counselling together. If he were buying her cloth to keep her silent about any affair with her, why on earth would he have mentioned it to you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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