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Question
Posted by: Nicolene | 2008/12/10

Question

Hi Doc,....

Just a quick question if I may.....

I do realise that in dealing with trauma and difficulties in life it is an individual thing and that each person does this in their own time and way.

Do you think that it is stil appropriate/normal/healthy (not sure how to describe it) for someone to after 10 years of divorce to still barely have a relationship with their child because dealing with/seeing the child would mean facing his ex-wife ??.

Am I wrong to think/reason that it is unhealthy that there is still a lot of unresolved feelings towards his ex ?.

From his comments it really affects him not seeing his daughter - so it is not a case of him just not caring about the child.

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Our expert says:
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This is not an issue of trauma at all. But it is a sad situation that suggests problems, and is grossly unfair to his child. The over-riding principle in ANY decisions about children when there is a divorce, is the best interests of the child. To deny his child the advantage of a presumably loving father, because he still feels raw about his ex, is most unfortunate, and he ought to see a counsellor to deal with his unresolved problems. Avoiding the real issues which apparently still disturb him is not good for his health or his child's. And it can be cleared up if he will only get the help he clearly needs

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