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Question
Posted by: SANDILE | 2012/03/26

puzzled

Dear Dr please bare with me if i get out of your proffetion by my question. Actually i''ve been dumped for confessing about my high school girlffriend to my new senior girlfriend after she had explained to me about her pictures with her ex-boyfriend &  al the suspissions she had me to be. Actually i wanted to have a new start by being honest with her as she failed ealier on by telling i deeply love them both. she could not take it &  decided we should break up. it ok i accepted that but i keep woorying i messed things up with my honesty. i miss her so dearly &  the exotic sex life we had .however i fell in love with her in 2010 knowing she has a son whilst i don''t have. Were i wrong to be honest with her? am i right to blame her selfishness for ending our relationship after all the troubles she had got me into?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi Sandile,

If I understand you correctly, you are wondering if you made a mistake by telling your girlfriend that you have deep feelings for both her and your high school girlfriend..? This is difficult - your girlfriend, like many other people, appears to struggle to share your love. I wonder why she reacted so strongly...is it that you are still involved in your high school girlfriend's life ? (eg still see her, meet with her, etc?) Or is it that your recent girlfriend has been betrayed by someone in the past and is very sensitive to this? Ultimately, her saying that she couldn't handle this information is her protecting herself - whether it's warranted or not. If it's her issue, she needs to get support to sort out her insecurities. If, however, you have been continuing to be involved with your high school girlfriend's life (or perhaps with other women), then perhaps you need to consider the impact of this on your partner... It's unfortunate that I can't give a nice clear response - it's complex.

Claire - SASHA

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012/03/26

Hi Sandile,

If I understand you correctly, you are wondering if you made a mistake by telling your girlfriend that you have deep feelings for both her and your high school girlfriend..? This is difficult - your girlfriend, like many other people, appears to struggle to share your love. I wonder why she reacted so strongly...is it that you are still involved in your high school girlfriend's life ? (eg still see her, meet with her, etc?) Or is it that your recent girlfriend has been betrayed by someone in the past and is very sensitive to this? Ultimately, her saying that she couldn't handle this information is her protecting herself - whether it's warranted or not. If it's her issue, she needs to get support to sort out her insecurities. If, however, you have been continuing to be involved with your high school girlfriend's life (or perhaps with other women), then perhaps you need to consider the impact of this on your partner... It's unfortunate that I can't give a nice clear response - it's complex.

Claire - SASHA

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